Ted, could you pass me my record collection?
Okay, here it is. (Passes him a single record.) Oh, and Dougal, you need more than one record for a collection. What you have is a record.
“Song for Europe”
In this episode: Father Ted (4), Father Dougal (3)
I've got Eurosong fever, Ted.
Yeah?
Oh god, yeah. I love the Eurosong competition. I just can't wait. What time is it now?
Half past one.
Half one?! And the competition is on in...
May.
[Intensely] Let's do it!
[Soothing] Dougal, don't take it so seriously. At the end of the day, it's all just a bit of fun.
[Later; Ted is smoking a cigarette and the room is filled with smoke]
[Tense] Just play the [beep!]ing note!
The first one?
[Exploding] No not the [beep!]ing first one! The [beep!]ing first one's already [beep!]ing down! Just play the [beep!]ing note you were [beep!]ing playing earlier! I've been playing the [beep!]ing first one! We have the [beep!]ing first one!
CHCharles Hedges
Hello, Father Crilly. I'm Charles Hedges, your producer for this evening, and this is...
Oh, you don't need to tell me! Mr. Rickwood, I'm delighted to meet you. I thought you did a brilliant job presenting last year's show.
FRFred Rickwood
[Slurred] Wellthatsthebusinesslikeyouknowwhatimeanyouknowinandoutthedoorsandgiddyup!
Sorry?
FRFred Rickwood
[Slurred] Likethebusinessyouknowgetitoutthedoorsandgiddyup.
Ah, yes...
FRFred Rickwood
[Slurred] Wellanywayshamehithimshaveabollock. [exits]
Mmm. Mmm. I have to say, he sounded a lot better on last year's show.
CHCharles Hedges
Well, once he's on the stage, he's fine.
Alright, do you know him a long time?
CHCharles Hedges
Yes, yes, yes, we've been partners for ten years.
Oh, right, you run the production company together?
CHCharles Hedges
No, no, he's my lover.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Father Ted pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.