Just show up. That's all I've been doing: showing up. Time goes by faster at work. Shift work. Treat and street a few lost souls. You're with them when they're most vulnerable, when they're naked, weak, hurt. You touch them, look at their bodies, see them more closely than their families, their lovers. But it's mechanical, you know, temporary. You fix them up or you watch them die. Either way, it ends and you move on. No next time, no strings, no real connection. Maybe that's why I stay.
“The Advocate” · Season 9, Episode 17
In this episode: Luka Kovač (3), Abby Lockhart (1), John Carter (1)
Medicine was exciting, powerful, alive. Today we saved a teenager's sight. I saved a child's life. I didn't feel it. Didn't feel anything.
There was cartoon I once saw in a magazine. A little man is sitting in a room with two doors. One door says "Do Not Enter" and the other says "Do Not Exit". So he just sits there, holding his hat.
You know, right?
Know what?
That night at the restaurant. I had a ring. You knew that, right?
I figured if you wanted to talk about it, you would've.
I didn't go through with it because at that moment it just felt... It didn't feel right. And I don't know why. But I wish I did know why. I think that the fact that I didn't do it, means that there's something that's not working.
I get it. It's O.K. I gotta go.
You get it? Well, that's good. Maybe you can explain it to me, 'cause I don't get it. I know that I show up for work and you're acting like a completely changed person and I think that's great. If that's real. The patch, the sponsor...
Real?!
For real, for you. Or is this something that's gonna be thrown out the window the next time something bad happens? Cause if you're trying to prove something to me...
What?
Like some kind of quick fix.
I didn't do it for you! I woke up sick of myself, OK? And if you're sick of me and just all of it, I don't blame you!
I'm not sick of you. How do you hear that?
Because all I ever do is disappoint you. I feel like all I'm ever going to do is disappoint you...
Stop.
I've said this before, I don't know why you're...
Stop! Stop!!! Stop with this whole routine! This fatalistic, black-cloud, nothing good is ever going to happen to me routine!
The problem is, it's not a routine.
Hey! What do I have to say? What do I have to do to get through to you?
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