Holmes quotes from Elementary

Two years ago, Charles Milverton referred a client to 'The Sheriff.' His name was Abraham Zelner, a morbidly obese man who wanted to sue an airline for removing him from a flight. Zelner was the only client that Milverton referred. Earlier we were theorizing that 'HENRY8' was Milverton's accomplice. Henry the Eighth, as I'm sure you're aware, was the fattest monarch in British history.

Watson

So you think Zelner was his accomplice, and that Milverton gave him that code name because he was heavyset?

Orson Welles was heavyset. Abraham Zelner could pull small moons out of orbit.

(answers phone) The Brownstone is on fire, my bees have escaped, and there is a giant comet headed for Manhattan.

Watson

Excuse me?

The way the evening is going, I thought you could only be calling with more good news.

Gregson

Give the man a moment, would you? He's a brave and brilliant instrument of justice. All we gotta do is stay out of his way, and he'll lead us right to the truth.

I've known Tommy Gregson a long time. I'm guessing he didn't actually say that.

He may have used different words to make the same point.

Excuse me, I was expecting to find my housemate.

No problem. I'm Gay.

...I'm not.

It's my name.

...Yes, of course. I'm Sherlock.

Hello... I also am. Gay. So, you know, it saves time.

...How efficient.

Watson

Why is Gay asleep on our couch?

I worked her hard. Don't be territorial about your geologist, Watson, I was in need of one.

Watson

[carrying a caged chicken] Why is Romulus outside my door?

That's Remus.

Watson

I don't care which cock I'm holding, I just want to know how it got there...! Okay, congratulations, you got me to say it.

I don't know if you've settled on an epitaph yet, but it does occur to me that that would look fantastic on a tombstone.

Watson

You're kidding!

That's me, Watson. Joke machine.

"The Keep." The very pinnacle in luxury doomsday bunkers. Built inside a decommissioned Cold War stronghold at a secret location just outside the city. Owned and operated by this man, Ronnie Wright - ex-Marine, survival expert, huckster. His sales pitch touts not only the site's security, but also the exclusivity of its members.

Watson

It is pretty swanky.

If you're keen on spending eternity buried alive with a group so narcissistic they think that outliving humanity is a good idea. I'd rather melt with the masses and get it over with, wouldn't you?

Watson

It's not how I pictured prepping. I mean, when you say survivalists, I see bearded guys wearing gas masks digging holes in their backyards to build shelters.

That's the garden-variety prepper. The Keep caters to a uniquely vile subset: the wealthy prepper. Along with the myriad doomsday scenarios that haunt ordinary preppers - global pandemic, nuclear holocaust, socialist zombies coming to eat their guns - the wealthy ones also worry that the poor are going to rise up with torches and pitchforks. Which, one could argue, wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.