Joan Watson quotes from Elementary

Met a man I see. Handsome one at that.

Watson

Um, this is the part where I ask you how you knew that, right?

You put your hair up when you want to look your best. You think it's more flattering. You're wrong of course. It's a draw.

Watson

The guys at Wall Street are more... formal, in the way they dress.

Those are costumes. I loathe bankers. They rig the roulette wheel of commerce, very nearly destroy the world economy and they still think if they wear suits they'll be treated as respectable folk instead of the crooks that they are.

It has its costs.

Watson

What does?

Learning to see the puzzle in everything. They're everywhere. Once you start looking, it's impossible to stop. It just so happens that people, with all the deceits and illusions that inform everything they do, tend to be the most facinating puzzles of all. Of course, they don't always appreciate being seen as such.

Watson

Seems like a lonely way to live.

As I said. Has its costs.

Watson

Any luck?

Luck is an offensive, abhorrent concept. The idea that there is a force in the universe tilting events in your favor or against it is ridiculous. Idiots rely on luck.

Watson

So that'd be a no.

Watson

I was thinking sushi tonight.

Salmonella, vibrio parahaemolyticus, mercury poisoning, Anasakis simplex: all illnesses contractible from eating raw fish. Anasakis, of particular note, is a worm that can burrow into the wall of the lower intestine, often requiring surgery to remove it. But yeah, sushi's good.

I wanted you know that you were right: Morgan had endocarditis. The lab found it on a TEE, which coincidentally is the test you wanted me to run on her. The funny thing is, I didn't order it for her. Some anonymous person put the request in her chart and the lab followed through.

Watson

Remember in our vascular rotation how the chief resident used to always say "better lucky than good"? Sounds to me like you were lucky.

Yeah. I guess I was.

Watson

I know what it's like not to be lucky. It turned my life upside down.

You were always a good friend, Joanie, but you were a better doctor.

I must say, Watson, I enjoyed catching a glimpse of you in your former element. It seems to me your friend was right. You were quite a doctor.

Watson

I had my moments.

Maybe you'll give it another go one of these days.

[shouting over the noise] Too loud? Sorry! I went downstairs to get some cereal; didn't want to miss anything. This city has excellent scanner apps, but there's nothing like the tactility of the original devices, all those dials and buttons.

Watson

You like pushing buttons. I'm stunned. You've been glued to these for the last few days.

Slow week, at least in regards to murder and mayhem. Captain Gregson hasn't called once.

Watson

Maybe some lunatic will throw his mother-in-law in the wood chipper, give you something to do today.

Sherlock Holmes

I left some urine in your room.

Dr. Joan Watson

...Tell me it's in a cup.

Watson

You don't look convinced.

Bomb building is a dangerous venture. It requires patience, precision, attention to detail. Mr. Jacobs' wristwatch is nine minutes slow, and his fly is three-quarters down. That doesn't scream "detail-oriented".

Watson

Ted Kaczynski looked like a hobo puked another hobo. He managed to hurt plenty of people.

And point taken.

Watson

I texted you. You didn't have to come.

As I explained the other day, there's nothing more hazardous to my health than boredom. Besides, I thought it might be nice to meet the ex.

Watson

I'm pretty sure he's not going to show.

And here you sit.

Watson

I'll give him ten more minutes. If there's someplace else you have to be...

Not tonight, Watson. Not tonight.

If you must know, Watson, the Lynch sisters and I share a mutually beneficial relationship.

Watson

If I must know? I didn't ask.

I need to study the differences that arise between two people with the same genetic material - in the Lynches' case, there are seven major ones - and they get-

Watson

I... didn't... ask!

It's obvious what happened: one of the original team sold the recipe for breaching The Leviathan to an outside party.

Watson

That's obvious?

When you've eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, is the truth.

Watson

And what's impossible here is that you couldn't break into the safe but someone else could. In other words, you are the smartest man in the world. [pause] I'm waiting for you to challenge me and say that's ridiculous.

Watson

I put a lock code on here to prevent you from sending out texts!

I was hired to breach The Leviathan. Did you really think I wouldn't be able to get into your phone?

Watson

I know you're going to blow this off, but I'm going to say it anyway: thank you. I've never been able to make my family understand what I do.

Yes, well I meant very little of what I said.

Watson

There's the blowing off part.

I know my audiences; I simply told them what they wanted to hear. They're nice people, your family, but they are, at their core, conventional. You make an effort to appear conventional, but I know, Watson, that you share my love of all that is bizarre and outside the humdrum routine of ordinary life. Your family will never understand this, so I gave them some words that they would understand.