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S1 E7

Duckman · Season 1, Episode 7

Duckman, Uranus and others in “A Civil War”

Duckman

The reason people come to the Duckman Detective Agency is Duckman, not Cornfed!

Uranus

[over intercom] Phonecall for Mr. Cornfed.

Fluffy

Fax for Mr. Cornfed.

Uranus

Carrier pigeon for Mr. Cornfed.

Fluffy

Semaphore for Mr. Cornfed.

Uranus

Smoke signals for Mr. Cornfed.

Duckman

[shouts out the window] CORNFED DOESN'T WORK HERE ANYMORE!!!

Indian Chief

Hmm, let's try him at home. [picks up a phone and dials Cornfed's number]

Duckman

What are you bothering me with that stuff for?! I told ya - he's gone! Fired! He was nothing but a big pink weight on my shoulders, and we're better off without him!

Fluffy

If you say so...

Uranus

How's the case going without him?

Duckman

Case? What case? Oh right, the case! I was just about to put it to bed. [chuckles] Along with the client.

Fluffy

Hmm. The kind of joke he'd probably enjoy telling when Cornfed was around.

Duckman

Hey, maybe it's time for you two hairballs to do something around here besides irritating the hell outta me!

Fluffy

You want our help?!

Uranus

On a case?!

Duckman

I'll start with a couple questions, not that I don't already know the answers. I do. I just wanna, you know, see how you're thinking. Suppose you're the chairman of a large--

Uranus

Uh-uh-uh-uh. Chair person.

Duckman

Suppose you're the chair person of a large corporation that makes meat on a stick.

Fluffy

Oh, Mr. Duckman! We couldn't support the killing of animals for food!

Uranus

Nor the senseless slaughter of trees for sticks!

Duckman

Okay... You're the chair people of a large, environmentally friendly corporation that produces wholesome apples. Now! You're supposed to prove that someone died of natural causes. What would you do?

Fluffy

Are the apple free-range, or are they grown in captivity?

[Duckman throws Fluffy and Uranus out the window, who then land on the street and get run over by a streetsweeper]

More from this episode

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