Ready for a story about super heroes? Ugh, more TV superheroes, just what the world needs. Be honest, have you hung yourself yet? Or what if I told you this was actually a story about super zeroes, losers, achingly pathetic meta-human goose eggs. How about it? Ready to feel better about your own miserable lives for the next hour or so? Follow me.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
I thought you might like some air.
I can't feel the air.
Sucks to be you.
Okay, um, how does she work exactly?
Work? She's not a fucking machine, and I have no idea.
Where are you going?
It's Thursday, trash day.
So that's it? I'm going it alone?
What did you expect Cliff? We're not heroes.
Alas, our merry band of misfits were not equipped for grand acts of heroism just yet. That was a finesse that dear old daddy hadn't bothered to teach them.
NCNiles Caulder
Who are you talking to?
Grant Morrison fans, Reddit trolls with DC subscriptions, and the three new fans who stuck around after the donkey fart.
Oh my gosh, I know who you are. You're Cyborg.
In the flesh, and you are?
Baby Doll, duh. I'm your biggest fan. You are so cool. Way cooler than the Flash.
You want to know a secret? He's not even that fast.
(to Rita, Larry and Victor) You are wrong… so wrong, to doubt the narrator. I mean, I’m the narrator. Think about that. I exist outside of time and space. I know your past, present, and future. I know what you did. What you are willing to do. So if you don’t want you sad, solipsistic utterly useless lives dissected infront of the world...
(to Mr. Nobody) You don't get it. You think forcing me to relive this is torture? I relive this every time I go to sleep. I relive this when I close my eyes. You may know who I am, but you don't know shit about me. If you did, you would know that every criminal I bust and every person I save, is me fulfilling a pledge to my mom that she'll never get to hear. Trying to make her proud. Knowing I'm the reason she's not around to see it. That's my burden. That's what it means to be Cyborg.
HVHeinrich Von Fuchs
Today my descendants continue my legacy of making great men greater. Here at Fuchtopia. Sadly we no longer accept Groupon.
JBJohn Bowers
Don’t you get it? I have no say in our relationship, Larry. It’s always about you. Your career and your family.
SLSteve Larson
(to Cliff and Larry) I was saving up for the Morden... but I just couldn't wait! I mean Mister Nobody, right!? But, who's got those kind of decades? So... I'm getting magnet feet instead.
We're going to save the world, or whatever, and then I will have a stiff Manhattan and go to bed.
HHammerhead
Paraguay was an eye-opener. All that carnage, the blood. You had Jane conned pretty good, but I know better. Cliff, you’re a fucking monster. You’re just another bundle of toxic masculinity.
You can't live for other people. You have to be true to yourself.
ECEzekiel the Cockroach
See it there, the Eye of God weeping angrily over the land of Sodom and Gomorrah. He will reap this land, he will pull the weed and start again. This broken earth will become the new holy promised land. Finally, we will be free of the two -legged blights, just as Cain was free of Abel. What he created for us will be ours again!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Doom Patrol pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.