Thirteenth Doctor quotes from Doctor Who

What are you gonna do now?

Oh, you know, back in the box. There's loads to see.

By yourself?

[sadly] Yeah, I suppose.

Do you want to come for tea at mine?

[suddenly brightens] Definitely! Yes I would! Thanks. I love tea. Tea at Yaz's? Amazing!

Ooh, fun fact: If you weave dragline spider silk as thick as a pencil, it’s strong enough to stop a plane in flight.

You're kidding!

I'm not! I’ve had to deal with it. Well, me and Amelia Earhart. You'd like her, she’s a right laugh.

[Showing Psychic Paper] Crisis Investigators. You just ran really quickly out of a room looking really scared. Tell me exactly what's going on, omitting no detail, no matter how strange.

A giant spider just smashed through my bathtub and took out my bodyguard, Kevin.

Right. Very succinct summary, well done.

Pick a number between 1 and 100.

51.

Pentagonal number. Interesting. [She sonics a bomb] Get in that corner.

What was the number for?

Number of seconds before the bomb goes off. I moved it forward a bit.

What?! I would've gone higher!

Good number, 51! Atomic number of antimony. Number of Federalist Papers written by Alexander Hamilton. I love that show, I've seen all 900 casts.

I'm really trusting you on this bomb, but I don't know what you're doing.

Think of the Pting as a mouse and the bomb as a piece of cheese.

A very large piece of cheese about to explode and take us all with it!

It's not a perfect analogy, I'll admit. You could've picked a bigger number!

I need oil, water, tree bark, a saucepan, nine containers, an old newspaper, a touch of ox spit, a chicken poo, and a biscuit.

Bagsy not chicken poo!

Why a biscuit?

I love biscuits!

Hold on!

We are holding on!

Well, hold on tighter!

Can you do something about this turbulence?

I'm avoiding something. Aargh; can't get the hang of these new systems!

What is it?

No. It's still coming for us. [She takes a closer look.] Oh. It's a teleport pulse!

Delivery for the Doctor.

Ha! It's the Kerblam Man!

It's the what?

The Kerblam Man!

You're just making sounds now!

Delivery fulfilled. And remember, if you want it, Kerblam it!

Space postman. I've seen it all now!

How would you like a warning for insubordination?

I'd love one! I could add it to my collection.

We can't let the systems take control!

The systems aren't the problem. How people use and exploit the system — that's the problem. People like you!

Twirly, I need your help.

Sleep mode: off. Hello again. Customers with your current medical symptoms browsed blood pressure medication.

As King James has written in his new Bible, "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live."

In the Old Testament. There's a twist in the sequel: "Love thy neighbour".

What do you know of my mother?

You could have seen her before she died, but you didn't want to. Why?

She left me. When I was not even one year old. What kind of mother does that? Why would I wish to see her?

Nobody will ever know why she left you, James. But you can't go hurting people just because you're scared to face up to the darkness inside you. You have to be better than that.

Who are you? How do you know these things?

I know, because we're all the same. We want certainty. Security. To believe that people are evil or heroic. But that's not how people are. You want to know the secrets of existence? Start with the mysteries of the heart. I can show you everything if you stop being afraid of what you don't understand, if you trust me.

Do you know why the ducking stool was invented, Doctor? To silence foolish women who talked too much.

Yeah, I did know that. Which is daft, cos talking's brilliant.

Nice Fjord! That is a fjord innit? Got your bearings yet, doc?

[Tasting soil] Norway. Definitely Norway. One of the frilly bits at the top.