Fourth Doctor quotes from Doctor Who

I wonder...

Leela

What?

Hush! I'm wondering.

Odd feeling...

Leela

What is?

Standing in my own throat is.

Leela

Doctor?

Hmm?

Leela

Can I stop now?

If you want to.

Leela

It will not affect this?

Affect this? No, it's a yo-yo. It's a game; I thought you were enjoying it.

Leela

[incredulously] Enjoying it?! [drops the yo-yo] You said I had to keep it going up and down, I thought it was part of the magic!

[looks at Leela with wide-eyed surprise] Magic, Leela? Magic?

Leela

I know; I know, there's no such thing as magic.

That's right. To the rational mind, nothing is inexplicable; only unexplained.

Leela

So; explain to me how this, "TARDIS" is larger on the inside than the out?

Hmmm? Alright, I'll show you. It's because insides and outsides are not in the same dimension. [The Doctor holds up two black cubes of differing sizes] Which box is larger?

Leela

[pointing to the larger of the two] That one.

Alright... [The Doctor places the larger cube on the command console, and walks over next to Leela and holds up the smaller one] Now, which is larger?

Leela

[incredulously, pointing at the larger cube sitting on the console] That one!

But it looks smaller.

Leela

Well, that's because it's further away!

Exactly! If you could keep that exactly that distance away, and have it here, the large one would fit inside the small one.

Leela

That's silly.

That's trans-dimensional engineering; a key Time Lord discovery!

Leela

You mean you can't control this thing?!

Of course I can control. (adds in an undertone as she looks at him dubiously) Nine times out of ten. All right, seven times out of ten. Five times out of ten...never mind!

Would you like a jelly baby?

SHUT UP! [slaps the jelly babies out of his hand]

A simple 'no, thank you' would have been sufficient...

[Indicating a piece of Lab equipment] Do you know what this is?

It's a Laserson Probe. It can punch a fist-sized hole through six-inch armour plating or take the crystals from a snowflake one by one.

I see, you're one of those boring maniacs who's going to gloat. Are you going to tell me your plan for running the universe?

Oh, no, Doctor. I'm going to burn out your brain. Very, very slowly.

Leela

What's the tribe here?

Cockneys!

What's this?!

Leela

A janis thorn.

I thought I told you not to carry any more--

Leela

He was trying to kill you!

Oh. [beat] Oh. Well, in that case, you'd better come with me.

Jago

Well, if you need any help, Doctor, I hope I know where my duty lies.

[Ironically] I knew I could rely on you.

Jago

Oh, to the limit! Though, I suppose you've got your own men scattered throughout the audience.

No.

Jago

No? [Beat] You mean nobody?

[Emphatically] Nobody. When the moment comes, Mr Jago, you and I can face our destiny shoulder to shoulder.

Jago

Oh, corks.

Leela

Why are you putting fire in your mouth?

Litefoot

Good lord. Has the girl never seen a pipe before?

There's no tobacco where Leela comes from

Litefoot

Sounds healthy, but exceedingly dull

Hah! Do you know what this is?

Leela

You ask me so that you can tell me!

Exactly.

Leela

So, maybe he's got another 'eureka'?

No, 'eureka' is Greek for 'this bath is too hot.'

Are you in charge here?

No, but I'm full of ideas!

Now I remember: Reuben the Rutan!

You know our form?

Well, when you've seen one Rutan, you've seen them all.

We are a Rutan scout. We are specially trained in the new metamorphosis techniques.

Well, I expect you'll get better at it in time. What are you doing in this part of the galaxy, anyway?

That doesn't concern you! You are to be destroyed.

Got it. You're at last losing that interminable war with the Sontarans.

[offended] That is a lie!

Is it? You used to own the whole of the Mutter's Spiral once. Now the Sontarans have driven you to the farthest fringes of the galaxy.

The glorious Rutan army is making a series of strategic withdrawals to selected strongpoints.

Rutan, that's the empty rhetoric of a defeated dictator, and I don't like your face either.

Your mockery will end with your race, Earthling, when the mighty Rutan Battlefleet occupies this planet.

Why invade an obscure planet like Earth? It's of no value to you.

The planet is obscure. But its strategic position is sound. We shall use it as a launch point for our final assault on the Sontaran rabble.

But if you set up a power base here, the Sontarans will bombard it with photonic missiles.

That is unimportant. It will serve the course of our final, glorious victory.

And what about its people?

Primitive bipeds of no value. We scouted all the planets of this solar system - only this one suits our purpose.

I can understand your military purposes, but why murder a handful of harmless humans?

It is necessary! Until we return to our Mothership, and the Mothership informs the fleet, no one must know of our visit to Earth.

[mocking] But you crashed, didn't you? Just as you made your discovery, you failed!

Failed? We are sending a signal to the Mothership, with the power from the primitive mechanism below.

[shows a severed antenna] You're not, you know.

It's of no importance. The ship will home in on the primary signal.

I'm sorry to disappoint you. I fixed that as well, oyster-face.

[prideful] All your interference is useless! The beam was transmitted - long enough for the Mothership to trace the signal.

You can't be certain of that.

[firm] It will come.

But by then, you'll be dead!

[confident] What could you Earthlings possibly do to us?

[heading upstairs] Well, if you'll just step this way, I'll show you...