“Michael 'Pancho' Locke” quotes from Dirty Sanchez

"Big or small, fuck 'em all."

(Getting ready to snort up the contents of an ashtray) "And now... Johnny Cash - Snort some ash!"

(After finding out he is legally married to Pritchard) "I can't be married to fucking Freddie Boswell, I got a good woman back home!"

(Whilst getting a tattoo on his backside) "My arse has gone like a piece of wobbly jelly."

(About to get his arse waxed) "Right in the Gary Glitter!"

(After getting a D lock locked around his neck) "Right! Short man syndrome? Fuckin' right! I'm taking it to a fucking level this time! (Starts thumping the nearest door) AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!

"This is a bloody bar, you arsehole! This isn't a house ... This is my bar!"

"It's true, I am the fool of the show!"

(After dislocating his little finger) "This little piggy went to the market, this little piggy stayed home... this little piggy went to the pub, where I wish I'd gone to instead of the back of this van. This little piggy went to the club, with the lovely young mum...Single Mum...dirty mum... and this little piggy doesn't know what the fuck is going on!"

(Trying to smash a double glazed window pane with his head) "My head feels like a fucking gypo's arse!"

(Upon Pritchard confuses the word "Water Jungle" with "Rain Forest") "I thought I was thick!"

(After being hit between the legs with a shovel) "My fucking bell-end is on fucking fire!"

(After eating stinging nettles) "No more nettles for tea, boys. This organic stuff is shit!

(When Dainton asks if Pritchard's tattoo - "I Love Dainton" - on his penis is real) "Try rubbing it off, Daint!"

(After being woken up by being pelted with oranges and spray painted green with is clothes cut up to try and make him look like The Incredible Hulk) "Oh i'm green...great"