“Dan Joyce” quotes from Dirty Sanchez

"Welcome to Dirty Sanchez. I've just eaten a man."

(After Pritchard attempts to break the world record for the most paint balls to a naked body) "You look like fucking King Kong's spunked on you!"

"I'm the vaginator, all the way from Vagville, Tennessee!"

(Before a crab race in Phi Phi) "Luckily, Daint, I think I picked up crabs in fucking Bangkok and these are fast fuckers."

(After spitting out the tip of Pritchard's finger) "I couldn't do it, man! It was all fleshy!"

"The first rule of fucking Pin Club is don't talk about fucking Pin Club!"

(Before naked paintball) "I'm in the nude for fighting!"

(Referring to his penis whilst having his testicles waxed, laughing hysterically) "It's shriveled up! It's gone away! I've got no fucking dick! It's never been that small in my life! The man with the world's smallest knob!"

"I'm gonna go wank off a horse!"

(Throws up on a pizza before eating it again) "I'm like a fucking fly!"

(Talking about Dainton's new dress sense) "I know he like 'The Ramones' and he wears a Ramones T-Shirt. But New York Dolls? I've never heard him listening to New York Dolls. And Guns and Roses! He's never going "Take me down to the Paradise City, where the girls are green and the grass is pretty"... oh, that's the wrong way round isn't it!

(holding a handful of pubic hair on his chin) "Osama Bin Laden!"

"When you're the gimp, you're kind of like Zorro. It's like no-one knows who you are. But I'm trying to make him a 'comedy gimp', something people can relate to. There should be dancing gimp, barmitzfa gimp, funeral gimp."

"When I get married, I might go as a gimp! Imagine that! From behind, you don't notice. And I'll turn round as my wife'll be walking down the aisle..."HELLO" (laughs, before flicking his tongue in and out) With a snooker ball in me gob!

"Faster! Faster! Ah, that's it. Faster like a Pasta-eating Rasta!"