Hello, welcome to Fame Academy. I'm Patrick Kealty - I'm Irish, I got spikey hair so in theory I should be as lovable and funny as Graham Norton. So much for theories! We've got twelve contestants, three judges, two viewers!
“Cross-breed gags”
Hello, I'm Natasha Kaplinsky — half television presenter, half prize-winning cat!
Welcome back to another special edition with me, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, the secret love child of Alan Davies and Dougal from The Magic Roundabout…
Hello, I'm Sandi Toksvig: love child of Bilbo Baggins and an Ewok…", and, "Hello, I'm Sandi Toksvig, the original hobbit…
You're watching Newsnight Review with me, Mark Lawson, Britain's brainest potato…" and "You're watching Newsnight Review with me, Mark Lawson, I am the eggman, Martha Kearney is the walrus…
Hello, you're watching Newsnight Review so you've probably lost your remote control.
Hi, I'm George Lucas, Hollywood's most powerful Ewok.
Hi, I'm George Lucas, you know lots of people say to me: "George? Why do you keep going back and tampering with the old Star Wars movies we love and keep creating crappy new ones we hate?" You know what I say to them? "You're fired!".
I'm Kirstie Allsopp, half woman, half Care Bear…
I'm Kirsty Allsopp. I wasn't born, I was knitted
And I'm Phil Spencer, half man…
I'm Professor Robert Winston, the only Super Mario brother who didn't become a plumber" and "I'm Professor Robert Winston, a shrink-wrapped version of Tom Selleck.
Hello I'm Nicky Hambleton-Jones, the body of a Barbie doll, the soul of a Great White Shark!
Hello I'm Bill Oddie. Half man, Half compost heap.
Hello, I'm Bill Oddie, the missing link between man and shrub.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Dead Ringers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.