[Amy's phone rings and she picks it up; split-screen between her and Daria]
Hello?
Aunt Amy?
Hey, my favorite niece.
Oh!
Who is this?
Um, it's...
I'm joking, Daria. How are you? Your mother hasn't had a stroke, has she?
Well, I haven't checked her in the last half hour. How was Hawaii?
Wish I were still there. What can I do for you?
Um, I wanted to ask your advice about something. I'm thinking of getting contact lenses.
Uh-huh. Sounds good.
It does?
Why not?
Well, isn't it kind of... vain?
Do you have mirrors in your house, Daria?
Yeah.
Do you look in them before you go out?
Yeah.
Well then, you're already going to hell, so you might as well get the lenses. You'll see the brimstone better.
What do you mean?
I mean, having contacts is no more vain than primping in the mirror. It just gives you different options about the way you look. It wouldn't change your personality, it wouldn't change your values, and it would set your parents back a couple hundred bucks. So, I don't see any downside at all.
Thanks, Aunt Amy.
I'd love to see how it turns out. Send me a picture, okay?
You want a picture of me with my contacts?
Either that or a shot of Ralph Fiennes. Whichever.
More from this episode
All quotes from this episode →More Daria quotes · These quotes come from Wikiquote's Daria pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.