Dan and Chris in “Baseball”

Baseball is a contemptible sport.

It's not contemptible.

It needs to pay. It ruined my TV time, and it broke the side mirror on my car.

How exactly?

It preempted my stories.

I meant the mirror thing.

Don't get bogged down with minutiae. Drive me to Washington. I am going to yell at the president of baseball.

He's called a commissioner.

Oh, commissioner. La-dee-da. I'll have him reimburse me for my mirror and promise never to preempt my show again.

How do you plan to do that?

Step 1, you drive me to Washington. Step 2, shut up.

Okay, I'll go.

I don't want to hear your excuses, you miserable— wait, did you say "okay?"

Yeah, do you think we could try and get into the World Series? I mean, the last game's being played there in 3 days.

Wait. You like baseball?

I really do. Plus I'm on my own this weekend. Elise is--

Irrelevant. We go to see the Commissioner. If he won't meet my demands, then you have to break his legs, okay?

Uh, no.

Fine. 1 leg. Come and pick me up.