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S1 E8

Dan Vs. · Season 1, Episode 8

Dan, Man and others in “Ye Olde Shakespeare Dinner Theatre”

[Dan, Elise, and Chris are at the Dinner theatre watching a particularly bad performance of Romeo and Juliet]

Dan

Oh, this is terrible, come on! [everyone tells him to be quiet] Why are they shushing me? It's those Apple Johns onstage who are butchering the material.

Man

[walks up to Dan] Please be quiet. You're disturbing the other patrons. [spills the soup on Dan's lap] Oops.

Dan

OW! You scalded me, you jackanape!

Man

Sir, I've already asked you to keep it down.

Theater Main Actor

What clodpole disturbs the traffic of our stage?

Nervous Actor

[walks up to Dan] Alright, sir, it is time for you to make haste.

Dan

You don't tell me what to make. Unhand me! [gets thrown out of the dinner theatre] Throw me out? I'll throw you out, stupid hacks, misinterpreting the material. [the police officer walks up to him] It's the Bard, for crying out loud. No respect.

Police Officer

Sir, there's no loitering here.

Dan

I'm not loitering. I was thrown out of the theater for having taste, and now I'm waiting for my friends. Well, my friend and his wife.

Police Officer

Sure, you are. Listen, sir, although I'm concerned with the plight of the homeless--

Dan

[yelling] I'M NOT HOMELESS!

Police Officer

[gives Dan a ticket] Then here's your ticket for loitering.

Dan

Loitering?

Police Officer

Move along, sir. Don't make me arrest you.

Dan

It's never-ending with this place. Got the cops on the take. [walks off]

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