Cupid quotes

He's kind of sexy.

Claire

Sexy how?

Sexy in that, "I'd like to have sex with him," kind of way.

Claire

No he's not.

Trevor

Do you people know nothing about romance?

Claire

Ah. The chair recognizes Trevor's id.

Claire

Why don't you meet me at the Clark Street El stop?

Trevor

Uh huh. Good. Listen, after that, I want you to take a look at the stain on my ceiling.

Claire

Trevor.

Trevor

Don't get all sweaty-palmed on me, snack time. Professional curiosity. The shape. I think it's an abstract representation of innocence lost.

Claire

Or?

Trevor

A duckie.

Trevor

I've been thinking.

Claire

I thought I heard something.

Trevor

I'm matching up a hundred couples, one at a time. It's taking way too long.

Claire

Trevor, that is great. Reality poking its head out for the first time. Good for you.

Trevor

You know what? I've got to think grander. I'm going to start a new religion.

Claire

Oh, reality just saw its shadow. 6 more weeks of dementia.

Trevor

Think about it. Sun Myung Moon. marries a hundred couples, right? Considers it an off day.

Claire

You're forgetting that it took him a lifetime to establish himself as a religious leader.

Trevor

But I'm a god. I already have a head start!

Claire

Okay. Poverty, humility, celibacy -- as your psychologist, I have to say it's not your strong suit.

Trevor

My religion's going to be fun. Cupidians will cruise through the airport with a small cup that says 'keg fund.'

Claire

"Cupidians?"

Trevor

Hey, I'll need a high priestess, a woman who embodies the unattainable carnal archetype, a glimpse of heaven for the pilgrims, a nude for stained glass.

Claire

Oh, rats, here I've got this hoity-toity dinner party tonight, so.

Trevor

Yeah, well, who was asking. I was only wondering if you could get me in touch with Courtney Love.

Trevor

I thought your name was Champ.

It's a stage name.

Trevor

You chose that name?

Look, stage names if you can't think of one they say you should take the name of your first pet.

Trevor

There's nothing wrong with Albert.

Well, you obviously never grew up black and overweight in America, then.

Trevor

You don't know that.

Claire

Well, generally speaking, Lawrence, when a woman leaves something behind, an earring or a purse, let's say, it's not the nesting sign that most men assume it to be. It could mean nothing more than she's forgetful.

It was her grandmother's china.

Claire

Oh. You may have a problem.

Trevor

Coffee without caffeine. Can someone explain that to me? That's like sex without the spanking.

Trevor

In this corner we have the women. They claim to be looking for love, yet they have a recurring speech impediment every time a man comes into the picture ... you can't say 'yes'. In the other corner we have the men. Might as well file their tax returns under professional doormats. They really feel they can handle themselves in bed, yet they can't figure out why they end up doing just that.

I just wanna help!

Claire

Okay. shoves dummy in his face Help the dummy.

Trevor

People wonder if movies reflect real life. Hell yes, they do. I'll tell you how. Both make it difficult for two people to find each other and fall in love. Think about it. All the barriers that get put in the way of romance which in movies is exactly the point. That's what holds our interest for two hours. But in real life, love would hold our interest. Movies end when two people finally embrace, but that is exactly when life begins. Everyone is aching for magic. Everyone wants that moment in the third act when their eyes meet and the music swells, and they fall into their lover's arms. But no one talks! No one connects anymore. Life is a very long movie, and everyone is stuck in the second act. This is what I wanna know.... why can't we cut to the climax?! Why can't we move right pass all the barriers and go straight to the part that everyone's waiting for --- the part where the guy gets the girl.

What is going on?

Trevor

Love reborn, sugarplum. It's like a bad rash, you know? Can't be stopped. Goes away, comes back...

Itches.

Trevor

But it's damn gratifying to scratch.

Trevor

Beautiful people end up together. Show me the exception, and I will show you a relationship based on something even more shallow. Wealth, power, rock stardom and a .315 batting average.