They found him brawling with a pimp. It seems the fellow was standing on the corner, offering to find people dates.
The pimp?
No, the patient. The pimp took umbrage.
Well, naturally you thought of me.
S1 E1Pilot
I hate to admit this, but love and romance from a scientific standpoint might be a dry well.
It's a Valentine's Day conspiracy. I don't blow my own horn, so, I end up on my wrapping paper, looking like a fat-winged baby.
Never worn a diaper in my life.
[Points at self.] Doctor. [Points at Trevor.] Patient. Are we clear?
Yes indeed. It's one of my favorite games ever.
There is a gentleman out there who is hiding ping-pong balls in a place where ... let's just say that I won't be signing up for the tournament.
It's not a job, it's a punishment. It's a hundred couples matched up before I'm allowed back.
Back where?
Mount Olympus.
Of course.
Hey, you asked.
Did you do something wrong?
At the expulsion hearing they yammered on about me relearning my craft, the screwed up state of love and romance, blah blah blah, blah blah blah.
A hundred couples, I used to knock that out before lunch.
Really.
Yeah.
How'd you pull that off?
My bow. My arrow? They're MA-GIC.
Do you have those with you now?
At this moment?
Yeah. Maybe you can shoot me and I could more fully understand this magic.
Do you see a bow?
Olympus. Tell me about it.
Nonstop clothing-optional party, everyone's beautiful, drinking wine, chasing nymphs, an amazing place. You have no idea.
I saw Boogie Nights, okay? Neptune. Details.
Gives me a team of oxen and handful of sheep every year for my birthday.
Sheep! That's interesting. Not what I meant, though. Hm.
It's not compatibility. It's the chemistry, and the heat!
For six months if you're lucky. then it's negotiation, compromise, and friendship.
Then you die.
TCTrevor 'Cupid' Hale
Make a move! Get in the game! You gonna get hurt? Have a beautiful train wreck.
15 years of training has prepared me to help these people.
And being the Roman god of love for 3000 years had prepared me for what. Desk job at Hallmark?
Take a good look around you, Eros. The divorce rate, the personals -- your methodology did not work.
[At a crowded neighborhood bar, a large bully pushes his way between a weedy member of Claire's relationship group and Claire at the bar.]
BBully
[Cowing the weedy man] Got a problem, buddy? A little something you need to get off your chest? Didn't think so.
Small penis. Acting out in public often stems from feelings of sexual inadequacy.
[Bully grabs Claire's face.]
BBully
You think. Maybe we should test your little theory. See how inadequate I am.
[Approaching] Bad move, brother.
BBully
Later, pal. We got a budding romance here.
[From behind, Trevor shoves the sharp end of a metal pen up the Bully's nostril and starts to pull.]
You ever watch Fame? You know what I have in common with Bruno, Leroy and Coco? I'm going to live forever. What about you? You going to live forever? See, it would saturate my pleasure gland to rip your skin off and make ponchos for the kids. So keep your paws off my shrink here, because I'm a frustrated taxidermist and I'd love to go deep on you. We on the same team, butter bean?
[Trevor releases the bully, who runs away.]
"Fame." You get cable on Mount Olympus?
Omniscience, baby. Look it up.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Cupid pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.