Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[J.D. is sitting in a tree to symbolize the cardiovascular system]
Great class, Doctor D! Even better than the one you did with interpretive dance.
Thanks, Lucy. I like to call it "teacher-tainment". Now, be a doll and go give Dr. Turk a message ASAP. Tell him Dr. Dorian is stuck in the tree again, but this time there are many bees. Hurry, Lucy, I have honey hair!
I thought being a doctor was about helping people.
It is, Lucy. Well, that and showing up my third grade teacher, who said I'd never amount to anything. Eat it, Mrs. Nickerson! [voiceover] And rest in peace.
Hmmm... I should find a new mentor. Maybe a woman.
Give me my chips, you dirty bitch!
... or her.
Dr. Mahoney, I was wondering... if I could shadow you.
This is not over, you filthy whore!
I'm sorry, white bread, I'm not really looking for a protegé slash suck-up.
Dr. Mahoney, I am not sucking up! If I were sucking up, I would tell you how much I like your shoes... which I do, by the way! They're mannish, but flirty, like, "Hey boys, come and watch me build a deck."
Okay class, with the exception of number one here, today's assignment is to drop out of medical school. Your parents' money would be better spent stuffed into garbage bags and shot into the sun.
Dr. Cox, did you hear that I'm quitting?
I did, Ted, and I don't know how to pretend to care.
Understandable.
Theodore, I always figured that someday we'd just find you dead in your office.
Yeah, that was the dream. But the Gooch and I are taking some time off and touring the country.
We've written a song for every state.
I'm sure I'll hear all of them when I die and go to Hell.
Are you on the list?
Yes, under "John Dorian", or "Dr. Dorian". Or maybe "Doctor Dizzle" or "J. Dizzle".
There's a "J. Dizzle" here.
I'm J. Dizzle!
Dammit!
Doctor D, I can't believe you're leaving us! You're, like, the best teacher ever!
Ah, Lucy, but you'll always carry a piece of me with you. I'll be here [touches her head] and I'll be here [touches her stomach].
In my stomach?
I would have touched your heart, but I did that once to another female student, and it resulted in having to watch a four-hour video called "Boundaries".
[Lucy is taking blood from J.D.]
I don't know why I'm not getting this.
I used to have a problem with the same thing. But then I realized that you just have to pretend that the needle is your friend. Be careful, though: I told that to a medical student once, and he became a heroin addict.
So, did he buy the newsletter rankings nonsense?
Like an elderly shut-in talking to a telemarketer.
Outstanding.
[to Elliot] Morning, sunshine! You look rested! Oh, and making time for the paper, that must be nice. [drops the act] Later, you munch!
Did she just call me a butt-munch?
Well, she didn't use the word "butt", though I can't think of any other prominent kind of munch, so... yeah, she called you a butt-munch. [cheerfully] I'm Drew, by the way!
And now, a boring announcement about a pointless tradition, brought to you by an aging figurehead with a failing liver and an over-active libido.
Thank you, Perry, you anger-filled muscle-slut.
I miss this.
Me, too. It kills me that we're friends now.
The O.R. room is a safe place. No one's going to yell "Recognize!" at you. Can I ask you a question? Why do white people ruin everything? I only got to say "fo' shizzle" for a week. A week!
Hey, Drew... "You better recognize?"
Just something people used to say in the '90's.
Cool people?
... no.
What did Drew say about me rejoining the study group?
He said no.
Really? Did you remind him I'm one-eighteenth American Indian?
Are you?
I don't know, but I always tell people that. It makes the white man feel guilty.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
