Damn, girl, you can't just jump in front of golf carts! That's how gardeners die!
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[The class is to be tested on dissecting a cadaver, who was once Lucy's patient, Ben]
[narration] Anyway, my friend Ben was going to propel our group to the top of the class. I'm so moved, I just want to put those feelings into words. [out loud] Dr. Turk, I can't wait to slice up this old bastard's ticker!
[to Elliot] Hello, wife-face! Your shift is over, and I'm taking you on a baby-moon!
What are you talking about?
A baby-moon is a vacation that couples take just before your baby comes out of your special area. And the resort I found is amazing; they have horseback riding, and jet-skiing...
Oh, do they also have any punching each other in the stomach contests? Because that's another thing I can't do.
Your mom doesn't like me very much, does she?
[nervously chewing her hair] She's crazy about you!
See? You're lying! Babe, I can read you like the back of a DVD case. You chew on your hair when you lie, you adjust your bra when you're about to yell at me, and you get this far-off look in your eye when you're narrating in your head.
[narrating, while rolling her eyes upward] Even though Cole and I were clicking...
There it is!
[adjusting her bra] Stop noticing things I do!
[The class is in detention under suspicion of cheating]
I hope it was Drew. Then he'll get his butt thrown out of here.
What did he do to you? [whispering] Did he smack you around?
Worse. He told me he loved me. Who does that? Don't you see? He's trying to get me to trust him so he can let me down.
Crazy idea: you could just say "I love you" back.
Yeah, but then if it doesn't work out, I'll have to kill him, go to jail, break out, and kill you for giving me that advice.
I love how our friendship is based predominately on threats.
I just needed a moment of peace and quiet. The other students will.. not.. stop asking me questions.
Oh, puh-leeze! I have a hospital full of incompetents hammering me with stupid questions every second of every day.
Dr. Cox, your patient in three is septic. Antibiotics or vasopressors?
Antibiotics at first.
That wasn't so dumb.
Wait for it.
Oh, did you get my request for scrubs that hug a little closer to my wham-bam?
Thank you, Todd, for being the example to a point you don't understand.
You're welcome.
RRussell
There is so much I could teach you, if you would just open up and let me in. Let me in, Turk!
I'm about to punch you in the mouth!
RRussell
Fine, but be forewarned: I trained with the Mossad. I could kill you with a button off your jacket.
Really. Because I trained with LaMarcus down at the gym, and he was an NFL linebacker before he came out of the closet!
[Dr. Cox and Denise search the hospital, asking passerbys about Drew]
Have you seen Drew Suffin? Med student, only about 900 years old?
Hey, you seen a med student? Thinks he's cooler than he is, kinda has a serial killer vibe?
Anyway, I got a little bit lightheaded, so we're going to run some tests.
I wouldn't worry about it. A few years back, I got a little light-headed myself. Turns out it was, well... it was diabetes. That's a bad example.
[Lucy is talking with the adult son of her anatomy cadaver, who it turns out was an abusive father when he was alive]
OK, I'm sure Ben could be a jerk. But you have to admit he was a great bowler; I found a picture of him bowling a 310 on August 12, 1979.
EEric
So that's where he was on my seventh birthday.
[voiceover] Aw, balls!
Ben! I am very upset with you! You tricked me, all sweet and warm on the outside... on the inside, evil and terrible!
Stop acting weird. I'm trying to eat lunch in front of a bunch of corpses.
Ya know, it used to be 'see one, do one, teach one.' Alas, now it is 'see one, see one, see one, see one, see one more, call your therapist, talk about how it felt to see one, decide that seeing one is just too triggering, you take a Xanax to calm down and Adderall to lock in, aaaaaaaand... finally focus enough to be able to write about the whole ordeal in your dream journal.' Of course, if your dream is to be a mediocre doctor, mission accomplished. And, by all means, hang on to the scrubs. Maybe use 'em for Halloween, 'cause you're damn sure not gonna be using them around here much longer.
Is Hooch still crazy?
He's gotten worse.
AArmond
Here, self-disclosure is discouraged... You know, you don't wanna be too specific as a presence, as an identity. You wanna be more generic.
LLani
Generic?
AArmond
Yes. You know, it's a Japanese ethos where we are asked to disappear behind our masks as pleasant interchangeable helpers. It's tropical kabuki. And the goal is to create for the guests an overall impression of vagueness that can be very satisfying, where they get everything they want but they don't even know what they want, or what day it is, or where they are, or who we are, or what the fuck is going on.
AArmond
You have to treat these people like sensitive children. They always say it's about the money, but it's not. It's not even about the room. They just need to feel seen. Seen. They wanna be the only child. The special, chosen baby child of the hotel. And we are their mean mummies, denying them their Pineapple room.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.