[to a patient who's suing her] I know what your problem is; you blame your problems on everyone else. Well, you know what? If your job isn't challenging, you should get another career. If you have trouble with relationships, maybe it's because you have problems with commitment. I know, because I'm the same way; I blame my parents for spoiling me, I blame this place for taking up all my time... Well, no more. I'm going to grow up and start holding myself accountable.
You're still suing me, aren't you?
Yes, but now I feel like you can handle it.
You know, Jordan, I have to tell you: despite how crazy-hormonal you are, there is something about a pregnant woman that's almost spiritual.
—you have never looked so beautiful.
It's the giant boobs, isn't it.
Well, have you seen them lately?
I've seen bigger. [To Nurse Roberts] Not on you. Although, kudos!
Hey, you're black, right?
I hate that stereotype that black people all yell at movie screens, y'know? Like you go to see a horror flick and you'd be yelling like, "Don't go in there, girl! He behind the do'!" Y'know? It's like... it's offensive.
You wish you were allowed to yell at the screen, don't ya?
...Why does she go in there?! I mean, he's behind the do'!
Tonight, I'm gonna make her a nice dinner, then I'm gonna put the ring in her champagne glass.
You might as well put it in her cham-lame glass.
Okay, Mr. Know-It-All, what would you do?
Okay, first you gotta get, like, 50 candles, right?
You spread 'em all over the room with some rose petals....
That's right, because the roses are beautiful, and they make the room smell amazing.
Like a meadow in springtime.
[Carla comes in]
What are you guys talking about?
I still can't believe I power-walked butt-naked through the halls of the hospital last night!
My man, I know that wasn't you.
I'm not really proud of this, but I can pick your puff'n'stuff out of a lineup.
Oh, it changed since you saw it. It got a haircut.
I think Mr. Singer's going to be just fine.
TDr. Townshend
Oh, geez, Bob! Don't creep up on me like that! I almost dropped some fruit in my loops!
I'm sorry, buddy. Say, listen, uh...nowadays it has become kind of hospital protocol to do modified Seldinger in a case like this. You do know how to do one of those, don't you?
Good. Because the patient in bed number two needs one. You mind doing it for me?
TDr. Townshend
What the hell's this all about?
Nothing! I was, uh, just looking over your files and, um... well, your osteoporotic patients aren't on Bisphosphonate; your diabetics aren't on ACE inhibitors. Doug, a lot of your treatments are pretty out of date.
TDr. Townshend
Come on, Bob, I'm--guys like us, we're set in our ways.
Well, this is not an age thing, Doug. Hell, these days if you've been out of med school five years, half of what you learned is obsolete. Why do you think I spend every other weekend at a seminar in some two-star hotel ballroom that still stinks of last night's prom vomit? I do it because I have to keep up.
TDr. Townshend
Also, it gives you two days away from the missus, right? Once again, I am sorry I was the one who introduced you in the first place! [When Kelso doesn't laugh.] Look, Bob, I just...I don't have the energy for all that stuff.
Well... then we got a problem.
[Narration.] Gladys, Ginger, Tiffany, no. Cheryl, Betsy... oooh, that’s new. [Aloud.] Betsy, good morning. Let’s make with the chop-chop.
You know, you already used Betsy, like six months ago.
[Aloud.] I don’t care. [Narration.] Dammit!
Perry! Hi. How are you, et cetera. The wife and I just took out a new insurance policy and I need a physical.
Bob, the day I willingly cradle your dusty old twig and berries and get a whiff of your chronic halitosis while you turn your head and cough, is the day you can look for me up on the roof singing "I Believe I Can Fly."
Great stuff. See you about two-ish.
