Uh...go fish. (gets hit by a stick that one of the prisoners playing with her is holding, and falls to the ground. She then gets back up) ...Okay, that is not how we play Go Fish in America!
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Ok, so you're telling me that freak show is a girl?
PPrisoner
What are you looking at?
I'm looking at a big stupid lady in prison, what are you looking at?
PPrisoner
Grrr!
Ohhhh...me make big man-lady mad. (prisoner bangs stick against the fence and walks away) Oooh, good one! Hey, call me, we'll go skirt shopping!
Must you aggravate my fellow prisoners?
Yes, I must.
Man, eating salt is gross!
Not as gross as the prison food they make us eat in here!
One time, when my brother was in prison, he told the people in charge he was a vegetarian so they gave him special meals. (Tori looks weirded out) Oh wait, that was on an airplane.
Large scary lady coming toward us! Large scary lady coming!
Great! It's the one you called big and stupid the other day!
Whatever. I'm not scared of this chick.
PPrisoner
So, do I still look big and stupid?
Alright, listen, hot stuff. You better just turn yourself around and walk away from me or- (prisoner shoves Jade to the ground) I like it on the ground.
(Prisoner picks up stick and raises it to hit Jade:
Uh, Tori, Tori!
(Tori stops prisoner and speaks to her in Yerbian)
She's my friend.
(Imitating Yeah Yeah from The Sandlot) Yeah, yeah, we're super close.
PPrisoner
(puts stick under Jade's chin) You are lucky. (says something in Yerbian, drops the stick and walks away)
I didn't need your help.
She would have eaten you!
She wouldn't have liked it. (Cat walks over)
Hi! Ew, Jade, you're outfit's all dirty.
(sarcastically) Oh, no, now I'll never win the prison beauty pageant!
Wait, they have that?
Beck?
Yeah?
I'm kinda scared.
We'll be okay.
Yeah, but what if we don't get out of here? How are we supposed to- (notices some guys offscreen) ...What are those guys about to do?
I think they're gonna throw rocks at us. (he and Andre run off screen as the rocks are thrown and hit the wall)
(runs back on screen) HEY! WE TOLD YOU WE DIDN'T WANT TO PLAY ROCKS! (runs as two more are thrown at him)
We're gonna die!
Don't act scared.
I'm not acting. (the prisoners step closer)
BPBig prisoner
(to Beck) YOU!
Me?
BPBig prisoner
HOW YOU MAKE YOUR HAIR SO...FLUFFY?
SPSmaller prisoner
TELL US!
Tell 'em, man! J-j-just tell 'em what they want to know!
Okay. Well, it all starts with a quality shampoo and conditioner.
CChancellor
Now TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME!
OOfficers
Yes, chancellor! (they salute, then do nothing for a few seconds)
JJudge
NOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!
OOfficers
Oh, now. Okay, sure. (they take Tori out of the room)
SSgrodis
Hello bodys! Who wants mushroom?
No one!
I love mushrooms!
Cat!
I hate mushrooms?
Wait! Who's that guy?
He's...a woman.
Dear Ghandi! (runs into the duck truck, and the episode ends as the truck takes off and passes by a pavement that reads "NO ESCAPING" while the gang cheers)
Okay, well. I’m going home now. Forever.
No. You’re not leaving this school.
She has to. [Everyone stares at her] I mean, I feel really bad about it. Seriously, but you know. Bye.
[to Jade] I think I'll miss you least of all.
[to her friends] You guys, I don't want to be alone when I tell Trina that she-[Everyone walks away from Tori]
HHelen
And I thought Crazy Steve was crazy.
[After Trina kicks the dummy in the gongs]
You better put some ice on that!
Hello. Your attention please. Up here. I'm waving. See my hand moving to and fro. Please.
[stands up and yells aggressively] Everybody shut up! [everyone is quiet now and they're all looking at her]
Ahh Jade, so sweet and feminine.
Wait, who are you?
HHelen
My name is Helen. I'm the new principal of Hollywood Arts.
[to Robbie] You shouldn't park your bike there.
Alright, Tori and Jade. You two are going to play husband and wife.
I'll be the wife.
Yeah, no kidding.
Now, here's your brand new synthetically redheaded baby! (turns chair to show Cat in a baby bonnet)
Wait, before we start, I was just wondering, I have 3 quest– (Sikowitz puts pacifier in her mouth)
All right, your dialogue should be all friendly and happy, but your subtext is anger, so you must say your happy lines angrily. Action!
Hey, I am so honkin' happy that we got married and had this cute little baby!
Ditto to that! I tell you, nothing warms my cockles more than lookin' at this magical pile of baby here!
Goo!
Oh, did you hear that "Goo!"?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.