PPolice Officer
What did you plan to do with all these Fat Cakes?
Send them on a trip down to my stomach, and I think we all know what would have happened to them after that.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[banging on a metal pole with the shower head] Help! Heelpp! Ausie Stance! Anyone?! Please! A cute boy is gonna be here any minute and I'm all wrinkled like an elderly raisin!! Urgh, this day could not get worse.
[walks into Carly's bathroom] Urgh, it's you!
Mrs Benson!
Will you stop banging and screaming? I heard you all the way from my apartment.
That was the point.
Oh, [gasps] You bathe in your sweatshirt too? I thought I was the only one.
I don't bathe in my sweatshirt, I got my toe stuck in the fauset.
How?
I saw some dumb person do it on the 'Dick Van Dike' show. C'mon, could you please just help me get it out?
[under her breath] Alright. I'll give it a yank. [sits down on the bath tub] Ready?
Okay, just be really careful ok-
[yanking on Carly's foot] Argh!
Ow!
Argh!
Oww!
Argh!
Owww!
Argh!
Ow!
Am I hurting you?
No I love it!!
[Carly's date walks in]
LLance
Hey, everything alright?
[shocked] Lance!
LLance
Sorry, I heard screaming so I thought I should come up?
[holding pepper spray] Put your hands down!
[Lance lowers his hands]
Who's the boy?
My date.
LLance
[to Carly in a quite flirty voice] Hey.
[trying to act flirty in the bath tub] Heeyy.
Blah blah blah blaaaaahh.
I know you have a crush on me.
What?!
Nothing.
[A Malaysian man takes a red suitcase through the border, unaware that it is Gibby's and that Sam is inside.]
[Inside the suitcase] Gibby?
[To Freddie and Gibby] Okay, let's get outta here.
[To Gibby] Grab Sam, let's go.
[Takes a red suitcase, unaware that it is the Malaysian man's and that Sam is not inside] Ooh. Sam's light.
Come on!
[Chanting] U-S-A!
[Freddie, Spencer, and Gibby make their way through the border.]
FSFreddie, Spencer, and Gibby
[Chanting, in unison] U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
[On a flight to Hong Kong with an airplane landing at Kai Tak Airport.]
AAnnouncement
Thank you for flying Air Malaysia. We'll be landing shortly.
[Inside the suitcase] Freddie?! Spencer?! Gibby?! Are we still in Canada?!
[T-Bo lifts up a sign that says 'Warning']
AAll
Hello.
[T-Bo puts down the sign]
You're about to watch a very special episode of iCarly.
It's... different.
It's unusual.
It's not for normal people.
You might find it, disturbing.
So, just have some soup.
[They all lift up bowls of soup.]
And try to remain calm.
As you enjoy this special new episode of iCarly.
[All of them eat a spoonful of soup]
Gibbaayy.
MMinko
Ahhhh! You girls are so stupid! [pushes them forward and points to the elevator] There!!! There's Poachy!!! Right there!!! [both girls scream]
Oh my gosh!
Poachy!
No way!
We found him! [kisses the frame surrounding him]
Why didn't you tell us he was in here?
MMinko
I DID tell you idiots! And nobody better hit me with a stop sign! [Gibby is creeping up on him, and then does just that]
[laughs] April Fools! Ha ha.
Gibby!
Dude, that's not how you do an April Fools joke!
And anyway, you're not even supposed to be in this flashback! ...Great. Minko's unconscious. What do we do with him?
I'll get the shovel.
I'll get the marshmallows.
Hey, is anyone hungry? Because I was thinking maybe we could make some spaghetti tacos, maybe a little corn-(Minko, who is sneaking up from behind, hits him with a stop sign)
MMinko
APRIL FOOLS TO YOU!!!!! iCarly will be back after these messages. (Sam knocks him out with the shock pen)
You know, even though Spencer and I have to move out of this apartment tonight, forever, I'm still in a great mood.
Oh, when aren't you in a good mood?
I know right [agreeing with Freddie]
Really?
What?! Sometimes I get in bad moods.
No no no, wait wait wait wait wait. In all fairness, sometimes Carly does get in bad moods.
Like when?!
Uh, like when the time T-Bo made you those stuffed mushrooms.
[The rest apart from Carly agree with him and laugh]
Oh c'mon, I wasn't that mad.
You were pretty mad that day-
-no [disagreeing with Sam]
[Everyone looks up for a flashback]
[flashback]
[Sam, Freddie, Spencer and Carly are all reading together]
I just love reading together.
Me too.
We all do.
[T-Bo walks in]
Hey hey Carly! I made you stuffed mushrooms.
[Carly stands up and slams her book shut]
[yells] WHO CARES?! [throws book at T-Bo angrily]
[T-Bo falls against the door, Sam, Spencer and Freddie turn to Carly in shocked at the same time and Carly breathes in and out quickly and deeply in rage and anger. Scene cuts to the group in Tori Vega's living room]
Okay. Okay, I was in kind of a bad mood that day.
GGibby (as Robbie)
Kind of?
You threw a book at T-Bo.
Yeah, and just because he made you some stuffed mushroo-[notices the area they are in] Hey. Uh, hey, wha-
(notices he is Robbie) Gibbeh?
(hesitantly and shocked) When I make it shine...!
[the group all stares straight, then at each other, then straight again]
Okay, at what point did I have insanely long hair?
It was around the time Freddie got hit by that taco truck.
And Carly and I kissed.
And you and I were playing that assassin game.
12 million viewers?
Carly! You gotta come back with me! [gives Carly her backpack]
Back where?
To a future episode.
But, I'm supposed to do iCarly stuff tonight with Sam and Freddie.
Well, bring them along, this concerns them too! [gives Freddie his camera and Sam her remote]
Whoa, whoa, wait a second.
What are you talking about?
What happens to us in the future, do we become hobknockers or something?
No no, you guys all turn out fine. It's your kids.
What?!
Ninos?!
What kids?!
Whos kids?!
Um, yours [points to Carly] and his? [points to Freddie] Or his [points to Freddie] and hers, [points to Sam] or hers [points to Sam again] and his, [points to Freddie] I don't remember, but something's gotta be done about your kids!
Well, how do we get to a future episode of iCarly?
[T-Bo flys out of Spencer's room in a bubble]
Y'all can hitch a ride with me.
Hurry T-bo! Beam us onboard!
And smallify us.
Energising. [beams the others onboard]
C'mon T-Bo let's go!
Wait! In the future, is iCarly still on in reruns?
Reruns? Where we're going we don't need... [puts his costume glasses on] Reruns.
Hang on! [starts moving his spaceship bubble]
[Everyone makes whirling noises, then they all scream and cheer as they fly through the screen into the future.]
[shouts down the corridor] Carly, c'mon!
[Carly walks round the corner with all the luggage, groaning. She drops the bags and leans against Freddie's front door, but the door opens and she falls in and screams. She gets up, still groaning and closes the door]
How you doing?
[Throws a hat on the floor] I'm sick and dying! Urgh!
Maybe I should take you to a doctor.
No. [Starts picking all the bags back up] no, just, open our door so I can... go in there and just be alone.
[Spencer opens the front door]
[Sam, Freddie, Gibby and T-Bo are all hanging out in their apartment]
Hey! HEY!
[They all say hi]
[walks in to find Sam, Freddie, Gibby and T-Bo partying in the apartment] What is going on here?
I'm cooking steaks.
Playing video games.
I'm in a kiddie pool!
Gibbeh!!!
How long, have you guys been hanging out in OUR apartment?
Uh, how long you guys been on vacation?
8 days.
'bout 8 days.
Carly groans and falls to the floor
She ok?
No, she's like dying.
Gib, help her up!
Kk.
Gibby helps Carly stand up
Man, she looks sicky sick.
Yeah, she's got jungle worms.
[drops Carly] Oh my god! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!! [runs out of the apartment]
What are jungle worms?
They're like these scuzzy little parasites that set up camp in your guts.
Spencer helps Carly onto the couch while she continues groaning
How do you know about jungle worms?
My mom got them from using some foreign guy's toothbrush.
So, what are the symptoms?
Uhh, dry mouth..
I'm so thirsty.
..chills..
Can someone cover me with a blanket?
..moaning..
[moans]
..groaning..
[groans]
..and a lot of, you know..
[Carly runs into the bathroom and throws up]
vomiting.
Poor kid.
Yeah.
One of us should probably get in there and help her.
Hey these steaks are ready.
[They all go over to Sam for some steak, leaving Carly in the bathroom alone]
Can he stand?
LLouis
Here, let's try.
[Louis, Zayn and Niall try helping Harry stand up but he groan and falls back onto the chair.]
LLiam
Wow. He's really sick.
What do you think's wrong with him?
HHarry
I feel cold. And thirsty. Can somebody hold me?
LZLouis, Zayn and Niall
No.
LLouis
Here, have some more of this water.
[Louis picks Carly's bottle up from the floor and hands it to Harry. Carly steps forward and takes the bottle from Harry.]
Harry, you drank from my water bottle?
HHarry
Yeah.
Oh, my god. I gave Harry Styles jungle worms!
NOOO!
I know what might motivate Harry to get out of bed and back on stage.
You think I should work him over with the butter sock?
You know, I really, really, don't.
ZZayn
Did she say butter sock?
LLiam
Is that a sock...?
LLouis
...Full of butt-ah?
Do you guys want to hear my idea?
Yes!
NNiall
Does it involve the butter sock...?
No! I just thought Harry might suddenly feel better if he thought he was going to be replaced in One Direction.
Whoa wait replace Harry?
Not for real we just make him think he's going to be replaced.
LLouis
Who with?
Sam's your partner?
She makes a rocking hot meat sandwich.
The secret is hot meat.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.