(referring to the old lady who stomped her) She stomped me with her boney old foot!
You want me to rub it? (she looks at him displeased) You rub it.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Give me the mic. (takes the mic)
Go get em', kid:
AAspartamay
You have the breath of a dastardly goat with infected gums.
Your words have no bite. For they are spoken by a gutless thief. Sprung from a lineage of cowards and hog farmers! (the crowd gasps)
AAspartamay
...Okay, seriously dude, you take that back right now.
No returns, man. Put it out there and it's staying out there!
SSecurity officer
(to the people quarreling with each other) Stop fighting! You don't need to do this! Have you no sense of decency?!?
(is playing with a Rubik's cube and completes one side, then turns to Sam) Look! I got one side done.
Nice.
Will you take your head out of your Fatshake and listen to me?! [grabs fatshake and slams it on table]
CCort
I remember it. It was the first day of seventh grade and my dad told me 'Cort: you gotta learn how to tie your own shoes. It's important.' Now I can tie my own shoes without even thinking about it!
CSCarly and Sam
Aww.
That is such an interesting story !
You are sooo good looking.
[laughs] I was about to say that.
AAshley
Um excuse me. Someone left their purse here. Is there a lost and found I could take it to?
No, that's my purse.
AAshley
[gasps] You must've been so worried!
No...it was just on my bed.
AAshley
[surprised] I have a bed!
CCort
I got one, too!
AAshley
Rock on!
[Sam runs into Spencer and Carly's apartment]
Hey! Can I come in?! Freddie get off that computer! Have you guys seen this?! YOU GOTTA SEE THIS!!!
No wait, just give me about 20- [Sam pushes Freddie off the chair] GOING DOWN!!! [falls to the floor before getting up] Aw, man! It was rendering!
[to Sam] What is up?
Nevel!
Papperman?
[sarcastically] No, Nevel van Houterschmousen.
[idiotically] The pianist?!
There's only one Nevel.
And he's not a pianist.
[Nevel is in a supermarket where the pickles are displayed]
Dill pickles, kosher pickles, sweet pick-- ah! Bread and butter pickles, last jar. [a little girl named Molly accidentally bumps into Nevel with a shopping cart] AAH! [drops the jar and it shatters] OH, NO!
MMolly
I'm sorry.
[angrily] Sorry? You're sorry?! THAT WAS THE LAST DANG JAR OF BREAD AND BUTTER PICKLES IN THIS STORE!! Where's your stupid mother?! Where is she?! [takes a lollipop out of Molly's shopping cart; calmly] Were you gonna buy this lollipop? [throws the lollipop down on the ground, shattering it] Well, now, it's broken!! [Molly starts crying] Not so fun, is it?! Oh, here we go! Sure! Cry it up! WELL, I'M CRYING ON THE INSIDE BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY DANG BREAD AND BUTTER PICKLES! JERK!
[Nevel shows up at the apartment and the gang tie him up on the sofa next to Gibby, eating pudding]
Must you eat your pudding so loudly?
Okay, Nevel, why are you here?
Yeah, why?
You hate us.
I don't hate anyone anymore except myself. Until I saw that video of me shouting at that little girl, I didn't realize what a terrible, awful person I really am.
This pudding rocks.
You've seen the animal channel!
[looks confused]
The...the horses.
[raises eyebrows]
When they want two horses to...y'know... "DATE"...
[nods head]
...they put 'em in the same barn together...then they, like, turn the barn lights down...
[smiles, raises eyebrows, and nods]
Oh, you know what I'm talking about, why are you making me say it!?
[laughs] Okay, okay. So we get Sam and Brad. Take 'em to a barn...
Stop joking, this is serious!
Look, I know it's scary for you to put your feelings out there, 'cuz you never know if the person you like is gonna like you back. Everyone feels that way. But you never know what might happen if you don't-
[Sam kisses Freddie; Carly, who happened to be inside the room at the window at that moment, witnesses it, shockingly realizing that Sam is in love with Freddie, and not Brad as she thought. Once they break up, the two are stunned for a few seconds.]
I...
S-sorry.
...It's cool.
[The two are mildly surprised as the camera focuses in on the dumbfounded Carly, ending the episode.]
Okay, we're going to move on to our next segment here on iCarly!
Which involves the brain of our disturbed friend, Gibby!
Yes! We all know that Gibby's head is full of wrong-ness...
And to demonstrate that again, let's take a look at- [huge moving cactus walks towards Carly and Sam growling]. Uh oh... it's the cactus' big brother!
CSCarly and Sam
[holds onto each other and screams]
TTori
[from Los Angeles watching the web show with Steven laughing] Oh my God, how funny is this? Aren't they hilarious?
SSteven
Yeah, it's funny... [pretending not to know what it is] What's it called?
TTori
iCarly. [confused] You've never heard of it?
SSteven
Uh... no... why?
TTori
Cause' you live in Seattle half the time, and that's where these girls do it from.
[from laptop with Sam] Go on now!
[at the cactus' big brother] Go!
[at the cactus' big brother] Walk out the door!
Just turn around now!
You're not welcome anymore!
STSteven and Tori
[laughing with Steven laughing nervously]
And now,
A disturbing voyage into the depths of the ever puzzling Gibbish brain...
TTori
[laughing] That girl Carly's really pretty don't you think?
SSteven
Sure... just uh, not my type... anyway... uh, you know, we've been going out for over 3 months.
TTori
I do... we're coming up on our 100 day kiss.
SSteven
Sneak preview?
TTori
Show me the trailer. [kisses Steven]
So face it Rex, you couldn't even rap, if I stapled his lips and took his hand out your back!
[Freddie, Carly and Gibby walk into the mental hospital]
NNurse
Hi, welcome to Troubled Waters, how may I help you?
'Umm, we're here to see Sam Puckett?
NNurse
Oh I'm sorry, Miss Puckett isn't accepting visitors.
[Caleb pokes his head out of the janitors closet]
Listen, we're like, really close friends with Sam.
Could we please just talk to her for a minute?
NNurse
Just for a minute?
Promise.
NNurse
No.
[Caleb walks over to Gibby]
CCaleb
Please get me some barilium nitrate and four metric tons of ionized quadrazine.
Sorry, I don't roll that way.
[Caleb walks off]
[Freddie and Carly pull Gibby over to one side]
Distract the nurse so we can go find Sam.
Think you can do that?
Umm.. Gibbay.
Go.
Good.
[Caleb walks up behind Freddie and Carly]
CCaleb
You can kick me anywhere below the waist and I won't feel it.
[slightly disturbed and confused] Why not?
CCaleb
My pants, are made of neutronium cotton. You don't believe me? Kick my thighs. [slaps his own thigh] Kick 'em hard.
Um..
We, uhh...
We don't, want to.
CCaleb
Liar!
[Caleb walks off and Freddie and Carly are left very confused]
Gibby; Gibbbaaayyyy!! [Gibby jumps over the front desk]
[Freddie and Carly take a step back in shock]
NNurse
Oh my goodness, are you alrig- Argghhhh!!
Okay, I'll go this way.
No no, you go that way.
[Carly and Freddie push each other in speed and panic]
Oh fine, just, go go go!
Go!
Excuse me, is Sam Puckett in this-
[Sam looks up from her painting]
Sam!
Hello Carly. What do you want.
To find you! What are you doing in this mental institution?
Finger painting. [shows Carly her painting of a hand with the thumb and first finger raised] What do you think?
It's a beautiful finger.
Thanks.
Now who put you in here?!
[sighs and puts her painting out of the way] I put myself in here.
What?! Why?!
Because my head's jacked! I'm bonkers! [mutters and moves closer to Carly] Do you know?
What? That you kissed Freddie?
Urgh! [steps back and puts her hand over her ears] Shut up!
I think it's awesome! I think it's great!
Noooo, no no no no no no no no no... [carries on shouting 'no' whilst Carly is speaking]
There's nothing wrong with it.. Sam, stop it!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.