Accept it Carls, I've lost my mind.
What? You think just cause you like Freddie-
Urghh, don't say it outloud! [throws herself on her bed]
It's alright to say it outloud.
[puts her pillow over her head] No it's not!
Sam loves Freddie! Sam loves Freddie!
Sam loves Freddie! Sam loves Freddie! Sam loves-! [Sam catches her and covers her mouth]
[Freddie walks in a little confused]
[Carly tries to get free]
Licking my hand won't make me let go.
Sam c'mon, just... [Freddie helps Carly free]
Ewww! Why's your hand taste like peanuts and mud?
Cause yesterday I was outside playing in the mud eating peanuts.
I'm gonna leave this room, go wash my tongue, and you too, talk.
[Carly leaves and Sam and Freddie just stand still not knowing what to say]
To find out why you checked yourself into a mental hospital.
Because I-! ...I like you.
So you hate me, and you like me?
Now you see why I need to be in here?!
SGSecurity Guard
What's going on?!
NNurse
That patient's trying to escape.
Urgh, I'm not trying to escape!
She checked herself in here!
And now I'm checking myself out. Now go get my bag or no tip.
SGSecurity Guard
You're under 18 years of age. You can't leave here without permission from a parent.
Dude! My mom's in Teowana having laser hair removal!
SGSecurity Guard
Where's your father?
Look sir, you gotta let her leave, we're doing iCarly tomorrow night.
SGSecurity Guard
Can't be that popular if I've never heard of it.
SGSecurity Guard
Look! She stays, [drags Sam over to some doctors who try and take her back to her room] you people, leave.
[Freddie and Carly get dragged out by security guards]
Hey paws off! I'm the future vice president of the United States!
When you first started to like me.
Okay, (sighs). Remember the time I pushed you in front of that bike messenger and he knocked you down and your head hit that fire hydrant?
Well afterwards, when you were laying there, moaning, blood coming out your ear,
I don't know, you looked, kinda cute.
Aww, then it was worth the hearing loss.
[Carly is spray painting a plastic butt]
Hey Carly! I brought you some- [pauses and looks at what Carly is doing] What'ya doing?
[sounding tired and stressed] Spray painting this butt blue.
It's for a bit we're doing on iCarly tonight.
[sounding excited] A blue butt bit?!
[sounding annoyed] Yes, a blue butt bit!
Ah! I brought you some corn juice. [shows Carly the glass of juice]
[Carly shrugs her shoulders looking confused and still a bit annoyed and stressed]
See, I was just, hanging on my lawn, shacking some corn, and I thought to myself, "How come no one's ever thought to juice corn?" So I grab a juicer and-
[starts to yell at Spencer] MAYBE NOBODY HAS EVER THOUGHT TO JUICE CORN BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE HAVE BRAINS THAT FUNCTION NORMALLY! [Throws her spray painter on the table in anger]
Uhh.. [sounding really upset]
[starting to feel bad for yelling at him] Oh no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! No, here, give me the cup..
[Spencer starts crying]
Come here, come here.. [gives Spencer a hug] No, I know, you didn't do anything wrong!
[Spencer grabs Carly's hair and uses it to wipe his eyes and blow his nose]
I'm just.. Sam and Freddie have been bugging me like ten times a day to referee every little argument they have, and I'm just... I'm under a lot of stress!
Okay. [blows his nose on his towel] But if Sam and Freddie keep getting on your nerves, then, why do you keep helping them?
Cause they're my friends, and... they're in this new relationship, and I.. I want them to be happy. [takes a sip of the corn juice and spits it back into the cup] Corn juice is awful!
[Gibby comes out of the elevator and Spencer walks off]
Hey Gibby, you wanna help me with-
After the show, you gotta take the puppy to the vet, I think he's got an anxious bladder.
No, he's not! I never wanted a dog!
[Gibby starts crying]
I'm sorry! Come here! [gives Gibby a hug] Oh my god I'm a monster. You want some corn juice?
[looks to Carly] Carly, is it wrong to tell a person that it's not polite to talk with their mouth full of lasagna?
[looks to Carly and scoffs] Is it wrong for a person to pick on every little thing I do?
[frustrated as she slams her fork down and, gets up] Yes. And yes! You both should be furious with each other! [walks over to their table and pushes Sam over hard] Furious!
Well, I wouldn't say I'm furious.
Well, you should be furious! What guy wants to go on a date and watch a girl go: [mocking Sam's table manners] "Bleh! I'm Sam Puckett! Bleh! Wa-wa-wa."
[to Sam] And how can you sit there and listen to that whiny nub go: [mocking Freddie nitpicking at Sam] "Bleh! You're using too much Parmesan! Bleh! Don't chew with your mouth open! Bleh!" Seriously! Why don't you two just pick up your forks, and use them to jab each other in the eyes?! [slams fork down on the table].
Carly? I'm coming in, I got a friend. [holds up a puppy]
Yeah, he's really cute! [strokes the puppy]
You hear that little guy? Mommy loves you!
Uh, uh, why did you call me his mommy?
Well you know, Sam and Freddie are always hanging out together now,
And that means you and I are going to have more time, just the two of us!
So I figured sharing a dog would give us something to talk about!
Those stars you put on the ceiling look so cool.
Good. 'Cause it wasn't easy getting 'em up there.
Even harder. That thing weighs like 60 pounds.
Yeah. Had to use a bunch of big long screws, and a steel cable to stur—
[The moon on the ceiling falls on Spencer and Carly.]
SCSpencer and Carly
(Groan)
See, this is why I don't like to leave the house. What do we do with it? [pokes Spencer in the stomach]
The possibilities are limitless!
We can play on it, we can sit on it and listen to music, we can have a barbecue on it-
Heck yeah! Got my own racket and shuttlecock!
Sweet! [high fives Gibby] Oh! And at night, we can just lay on the grass and, stare up at the stars.
[Spencer and Gibby look up]
Okay. [walks over to the kitchen]
Man, wait 'till Sam and Freddie see this. I bet they love lawns.
I don't like couples that are all public with their.. [makes kissing noises, trying to make fun of Sam and Freddie kissing]
Oh c'mon! Sam and Freddie have spent years practically hating each other, I think it's kinda nice to see them being all... [makes kissing noises]
No no, it's more like... [makes more kissing noises]
[Carly and Spencer carry on making kissing noises making fun of Sam and Freddie]
Haha. Look at this lawn. This is one sweet patch. [starts stroking the grass]
SSencer
You know that's Kentucky Chuck grass.
[Sam walks in quite angry]
Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you!
Okay, look, it's not that i didn't appre-
What are you guys fighting about?
Mr. Fracs gave me a B on my world history paper and I was mad because I thought I deserved an A.
That's right, you told me you were mad at Fracs.
That didn't mean I wanted revenge!
If he's gonna give you B's, why shouldn't I give him bees?
I filled his car with bees.
I don't need you to fight my battles for me.
Come on baby, you wrote a good paper.
I know, but you can't just go around-
Alright, listen. Sam, Freddie should be able to complain about people to you without worrying that you're gonna put them in a hospital.
And Freddie, even though it's a little extreme, to violate a man with bees, you should a least appreciate that Sam did it because she cares about you.
(Sighs) Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.
(Puts her arms out towards him) Give mama some sugar.
Okay. [they kiss and hug]
SGSpencer and Gibby
Awww.
Don't you guys wanna go to dinner by yourselves? You know, like, just the two of you?
Nah, everytime we're alone for an hour, we fight about something.
So, we want you to come with us, 'cause you always come up with smart ways for us to compromise.
And anyway, have you ever had the lasagna at Pini's?
Good? [walks to his cart]
Uh, it is so good that when I die, please bury me naked in a bathtub full of Pini's lasagna!
