May I get swingy?
Yes.
(Sam whacks a Totally Teri writer with a sock filled with butter)
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Wearing a turtleneck is a violation of school rules.
Oh, I can't wear a turtleneck, but he can be shirtless?
Check the handbook. (he gives it to Carly)
[Everyone is standing in front of Locker 239]
I could fit a whole editing bay in there...
You could fit a body in there...
[Everyone looks at her oddly]
If one needed to!
Yes, Gibby, you have a question.
Yes. How many fat cakes are in that tank?
Oh, Gibby, there's so much not right about you.
I'm not drawing your sticky green foot at 2:30 in the morning!
But look how it glistens!
No!
Why?
'Cause you kept me up all last night lecturing me about the history of yellow, and then today, you made me sit in the park and draw hobos for three hours! I need to sleep...
Come on, just draw my foot!
I'm going to bed!
Thought you wanted to be an artist!
Good night, Spencer.
Look at my foot!
You're very weird!
Before I announce the winner, I feel compelled to tell you the worst guess, which was 5. [holds up a piece of paper with Gibby's name and the number five on it]
I won?! I won! [starts taking off his shirt]
No, Gibby, you didn't win. In fact, your guess was so far off that we're calling your parents and having you tested.
Again?
What did you do to my locker?!
MY locker.
OUR locker!
When did you turn into my wife?
You're overreacting!
No, the head of security said, "You're never allowed back in this community center ever again"!
People forget!
They took our pictures and thumbprints!
...Yeah, they're never letting us back in there.
Why? WHY would you embarrass me?!
I don't know. 'Cause I'm a big jerk. And I think I got paint up my nose.
You deserve paint up your nose!
Look, if I swear not to get all psycho, will you let me teach you how to draw?
A bunny?
Maybe you should start with a hamster. Hug?
After you take a shower.
FMs. Fielder
To be a real artist, you need to be spontaneous and passionate. They don't teach you that in art school. Maybe you could teach me.
Well, I have been told I'm an excellent teacher.
BY WHO!?!
I'm sorry I painted your mouth red.
FMs. Fielder
I'm sorry I painted your mouth blue.
Wanna make purple?
FMs. Fielder
Please.
[Spencer and Ms. Fielder kiss, still covered in paint]
Okay... I don't understand art at all.
[during the iCarly webcast]
I call this video "Gullible Freddie." Check this out.
[In the video, Freddie walks into Ridgeway dressed up as a clown. Everyone laughs]
Hey! Why aren't you guys dressed as clowns?! [Carly and Sam burst out laughing]
What do you mean?
I got an email from the school telling me that today was Clown Day. Didn't you guys get-- you guys sent me the email.
[points to Sam] She made me!
Wait, is this on camera? GIBBY, COME HERE! [screen goes to static]
People care what I think!
No, they don't.
Yes, sir...
Hey, is that a new necklace?
Yeah, you like it?
Can you return it?
No.
It's...neat.
Sam would rather chew broken glass then go out on a date with me for a whole Saturday night, no way she's going through with this!
You asked Melanie.
OOOKAAAYYY. You can pretend I'm going on a date with Melanie, but I know... I've got a date with Sam. [chokes on smoothie and coughs it out]
What?!
I'VE GOT A DATE WITH SAM!
You wanna buy a pickle?
NO!
You're going out with Melanie, not Sam!
Hey, when I get older, maybe I could go on a date with you.
[Carly is about to get revenge on Chuck for pranking Spencer]
Hey, Chuck, sorry to keep you waiting.
Oh, it's okay. I drew you a flower.
Aw. You are so sweet. Anyway... since you've got your big test on Monday, we should go over the new international math laws that were just passed by the U.N.
International math laws?
Uh-huh. They made some changes, so we gotta make sure you understand all the new rules. Now, the biggest news is, they've created a new number.
A new number?
Yep, between 5 and 6. It's called derf.
Derf?
Right. And it looks like this.
[She draws a picture of the supposed "derf" number]
That's a derf. See?
Oh...
So, now, it goes: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, derf, 6, 7, got it?
I think so.
Good. And so then it goes: 13, 14, 15... and what's next?
Derfteen?
Wow. You catch on fast.
Thanks.
So, if we take 12, and multiply that by 81, and then divide it by 2, we get...?
Four hundred and derfty-seven?
Awesome.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.