[Kramer, after spilling flammable paint thinner all over the road]
Bugger!
[later, after realizing that the paint thinner is highly flammable]
Double bugger!
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
LLisa
How could you not love that movie?
How about, it sucked?
[quietly, watching The English Patient] No. I can't do this any more. I can't. It's too long. [yells] Quit telling your stupid story about the stupid desert, and just die already! DIE!
JPJ. Peterman
[surprised] Elaine, you don't like the movie?
[shouts] I hate it!
[the audience shushes Elaine]
Oh, go to hell!
[Jerry has just returned from Florida, and is putting away his bag. A worried George sits at the table.]
[disbelief] So she wanted you to come up, but you left because you thought some guy might be calling you?!
[Jerry puts his bag in the bedroom and returns as George paces the floor.]
[animated] Some guy. Some guy? Neil! I have got to find out how he could get a girl like Danielle.
George, you've got Danielle. Forget about Neil. You've out-Neiled him.
[surprised] So, I'm Neil? How did I do that?
I don't know, but you better keep it up.
I'm gonna go meet Danielle. [grabs his coat] There's a new Neil in town! [triumphant laughter] Hahaha!
[George exits, cheerfully. The phone rings as the door closes.]
[to himself] I try to take a vacation, I come back, the whole operation's a shambles. [answers phone] Hello.
[In Florida, Helen and Morty each have a handset. Morty is still wearing the '#1 DAD' shirt.]
Hey Jerry. Number One here. Did you go see Izzy at the back specialist?
I will, I just walked in the door.
You have to go see him.
Ma.
Helen, will you stop bothering him.
Jerry, that shirt has gone right to his head.
Number One, signing off.
[The Seinfelds hang up. Jerry's door opens and Kramer bursts in, agitated.]
Jerry, I just picked up the Cubans at the bus station. [shrill] What's going on!?
What?
[animated] They're not real Cubans. They're Dominicans.
So?
So, Jerry, if my investors don't get Cubans, the whole deal's off.
What's the difference?
Jerry, once you've had real Cubans, there's just nothing else like it.
[confused] We're talking about people, right?
Yes, yes. The quality, the texture, the intoxicating aroma. These guys don't have it.
I thought they smelled pretty nice.
Jerry, your palate's unrefined.
Is not.
Is too.
Is not.
Is too.
I'm not having this conversation.
Are too.
Am not.
Are too.
Am not.
Are too.
[Kramer is having a meeting with Earl Haffler - the cigar-smoking, stetson-hat-and-string-tie-wearing, Texan businessman he met in The Diplomat's Club.]
HHaffler
Awright, partner. Let's get down to business.
[nervous] Okay, well, uh, I'll uh, I'll get the Cubans.
[He walks over to the door trying to smile confidently.]
They're right out here.
[He calls a few words of gibberish Spanish out of the door, and the three guys stroll in. As if to convince Haffler they are in fact Cuban, they are dressed in Castro-style green fatigues and caps.]
Hey, here they are. The Cubans. Real Cubans.
[Haffler regards the three guys for a second or two.]
HHaffler
You wouldn't be trying to sell old Earl Haffler Dominicans in a Cuban wrapper now, would you?
[fidgety] Oh, now, come on. Look at these boys. If they were any more Cuban, Castro would've smoked them himself. Huh.
HHaffler
[confusion] We're talking about people, right?
[puzzled] I think so.
HHaffler
I thought he quit smoking cigars.
Well, yeah, yeah. But they also rolled for his brother... [thinks for a second] ...Dennis.
HHaffler
[dubious] Dennis Castro?
Uh, Dwayne.
HHaffler
Get the hell outta my office.
[shrill] What!?
Well, my swimming pool problems are solved. I just found myself miles and miles of open lanes.
What is that smell?
That's East River.
You're swimming in the East River? The most heavily trafficked, overly contaminated waterway on the eastern seaboard?
Technically Norfolk has more gross tonnage.
How could you swim in that water?
I saw a couple of other guys out there.
Swimming?
Floating, they weren't moving much. But they were out there.
[A kid is looking through a telescope across the East River alongside his father and he sees Kramer swimming]
FFather
Over there, that's Brooklyn . That's where Spike Lee lives.
SSon
Hey, there's a man swimming in the water.
FFather
Nah, that's probably just a dead body, son. You see, when the mob kills someone they throw the body in the river.
I've yada yada'd sex.
Really?
Yeah. I met this lawyer, we went out to dinner, I had the lobster bisque, we went back to my place, yada yada yada, I never heard from him again.
But you yada yada'd over the best part.
No, I mentioned the bisque.
FCFather Curtis
[in a confessional booth] Tell me your sins, my son.
Well, I should tell you that I'm Jewish.
FCFather Curtis
That's no sin.
Oh, good. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about Dr. Whatley. I have a suspicion that he's converted to Judaism just for the jokes.
FCFather Curtis
And this offends you as a Jewish person?
No, it offends me as a comedian!
Listen to yourself! [putting on a disgusted face] What? You think that dentists are so different from me and you? They came to this country just like everybody else in search of a dream, Jerry.
Kramer, Whatley's from Jersey.
Yes, and now he's a full-fledged American.
Kramer, he's just a dentist.
Yeah, and you're an anti-dentite.
I am not an anti-dentite.
You're a rabid anti-dentite! Oh, it starts with a few jokes and some slurs: "Hey, denty!" Next thing you know, you're saying they should have their own schools.
They do have their own schools!
[in a skeptical surprised tone] - Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Good meeting?
There was no meeting. But it was quite a meeting. You are looking at the next director of Mets scouting. The only thing is, I have to get fired from the Yankees first.
You can do that.
Of course. But I really wanna leave my mark this time. You know, uh, I wanna walk away from the Yankees with people saying "Wow! Now that guy got canned!"
[dragging a World Series trophy behind a golf cart] Attention, Steinbrenner and front office morons: your triumphs mean nothing. You all stink. You can sit on it and rotate!
When do you start to worry about ear hair?
When you hear like a soft rustling.
So you're pretending to be a tourist?
It's beautiful. She makes all the plans. I'm not from around here, so it's okay if I'm stupid. And she knows I'm only in town visiting, so there's no messy breakups.
I hereby declare this summer the summer of George!
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