BBoy
[to Jerry] Thanks for ruining my daddy's business, you fat f*ck.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
I show up. I pretend I have the job. The guy's on vacation. If I have the job, it's fine. If I don't have the job, by the time he comes back, I'm ensconced.
Hmm, not bad.
What's the worst thing that can happen?
Well, you'd be embarrassed and humiliated in front of a large group of people and have to walk out in shame with you tail between your legs.
Yeah, so?
GGino
So I love the Edward Scissorhands. That's the best movie I've ever seen.
EEnzo
Ah, again with the Edward Scissorhands. How can you have hand like scissors, huh? Show me one person who's got hand like scissors!
GGino
Hey, it's a beautiful dream. I'd love to be this man.
EEnzo
Did you ever think about what you're going to do on the toilet? What are you going to do on the toilet?
I'd like to have shoehorn hands.
[about Jodi] Jerry...this woman hates me so much...I'm starting to like her.
What?
She just dislikes me so much... It's irresistible.
I can see that.
I wanna know what I did to this woman.
KKaren
What, you got a little thing for her?
No, No! She's going out with a friend of mine. It's only courteous that we should try and like each other.
KKaren
What difference does it make? Who cares if she doesn't like you? Does everybody in the world have to like you?
Yes! Yes! Everybody has to like me. I must be liked!
But you can't give something and then take it back. I mean, what are you, a...
WWinona
What?
A uh, person that uh...
WWinona
A person that what?
Well, a person that gives something and then they're dissatisfied and they wish they had, had...
WWinona
And?
Never give, given it to the person that they originally gave it to,
WWinona
You mean like an Indian giver?
I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with that term.
Is there anything wrong with getting a receipt at a tollbooth?
MCMother Costanza
I'm going upstairs.
This stack should be bigger.
Where's the TV Guide?
What TV Guide?
I'm missing TV Guide ... Volume 41, number 31.
Elaine took it to read on the subway.
Elaine took it? -I didn't know she took it.
Well, it's two weeks old.
How could you let her take the TV Guide?!
He collects them.
You collect TV Guide?
The nerve of that woman.
Walking into my house, stealing my collectibles!
[screaming] Oh my God! [she enters holding a small packet] This was in our bed.
[taking the packet] What is this? [accusingly to George] A prophylactic wrapper?!
What is this doing on my bed?!
I don't know, uh...
I'll see you later. [leaves with unseemly haste]
You were having sex on our bed?!
Yes!
Who told you you could have sex in our bed?
[pleading] Well, my bed is too small.
Your bed is too small? I'm gone two weeks and you turn our house into, into Bourbon Street!
Where am I going to sleep?
What are you talking about?
I can't sleep in there!
Of course you can.
I can't! [screams] I can't!
That's it! You're grounded!
[incredulously] You can't ground me, I'm a grown man.
You wanna live here? You respect the rules of our house. YOU'RE GROUNDED!!!
FPFather/Priest
Is there one aspect of the faith that you find particularly attractive?
I like the hats.
By Christmas Day, I will be Brother Costanza.
And what does Brother Costanza plan on telling Mother Costanza?
Brother Costanza will be taking the vow of silence.
Jerry, that voice is tattooed on my brain. It's her! I'm telling you it's her.
Oh, you're crazy.
Am I? Or am I so sane that you just blew your mind?
It's impossible.
Is it? Or is it so possible that your head is spinning like a top?
It can't be.
Can't it? Or is your entire world crashing down all around you?
Alright, alright. That’s enough.
Yeaaahhh.
He's a male bimbo... He's a mimbo!
See, the key to eating a black-and-white cookie, Elaine... is you wanna get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. And yet still somehow, racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie... all our problems would be solved.
Uh, I don't feel so good.
What's wrong?
My stomach, I , I think it was that cookie.
The black and white?
Yeah.
Not getting along?
It's like I've got David Duke and Farrakhan down there!
Well, if we can't look to the cookie, where can we look?
Oh, my stomach! I feel like I'm gonna throw up!
Wait. What about your vomit streak?
I know! I haven't thrown up since June 29, 1980!
[using the ATM at the same time as the person next to him]
"Cash advance"? Yes... no. "Balance inquiry"? No. "Receipt"? No. Processing... processing... processing. [to the person next to him] I win!
[George and his girlfriend Diane are walking along the beach]
DDiane
[Referring to him being a marine biologist] Your parents must be so proud of you, George.
Oh, they're busting.
[They come across a group of people looking out into the ocean]
DDiane
What are those people doing over there? [As they approach the group] What's going on over here?
WWoman
There's a beached whale, she's dying.
MMan
Is anyone here a marine biologist?
[Everyone begins shouting for George to help]
DDiane
Save the whale, George. For me.
[George drops his hat, coat, shoes and socks and walks into the ocean]
[Recounting the story to Jerry and Kramer at the coffee shop] So I started to walk into the water. I won't lie to you, boys, I was terrified. But I pressed on! And as I made my way passed the breakers, a strange calm came over me. I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things but I'm telling you, Jerry, at that moment I was a marine biologist.
[Enters the coffee shop and sits next to George] George, I'd just been reading this thing in the paper, it's unbelievable!
I know, I was just telling the story.
Well come on, George, finish the story.
The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. I got about fifty feet out and suddenly, the great beast appeared before me. I tell you he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. I said, "Easy, big fella!" And then, as I watched him struggling, I realized that something was obstructing its breathing. From where I was standing, I could see directly into the eye of the great fish.
Mammal.
Whatever.
Well, what did you do next?
Well then, from out of nowhere, a huge tidal wave lifted me, tossed me like a cork, and I found myself right on top of him - face to face with the blowhole. I could barely see from the waves crashing down upon me, but I knew something was there. So I reached my hand in, felt around, and pulled out the obstruction.
[George reveals the obstruction to be a golf ball]
What is that, a Titleist?
[George nods]
A hole in one, huh?
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