JJeff
Come on, dad. What do we sit around talk about this like normal people?
[inside a tumbling giant teacup] NEVER!
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Hey, pal. Don't be sad. You're a nerd! So what? Nerds play an important role in the world.
Like what?
Well, nerds are like the moist towelettes in the universe. They make other people feel better about themselves.
Thanks, Billy. I guess.
Glad I could help.
[Duck keeps blowing raspberries, Librarian appears]
LLibrarian
Young lady, is this any way to behave?
No, I suppose not. Walking up and yelling at someone while they're trying to work does seem quite rude.
LLibrarian
Young lady, I do not tolerate such behavior!
Well, that's really your problem, not my problem, is it?
LLibrarian
I will not stand for this!
There's an empty chair right there.
[The librarian is infuriated.]
[to Librarian] Look, lady, can you have your meltdown somewhere else? I've got a history report due tomorrow on the history of corn... and you're kind of distracting me.
[Grim is asleep]
Hi, honey, I'm home! Man, even the flies were dropping like flies. [sniffs] What that smell.
[Grim walks up to his lion-esque Wife]
Hello dear, whats cooking?
WWife
AAGH!
My favorite. Oh, what did I ever do to deserve a wife as good as you?
WWife
AAGH!
[Much later, Grim and his "wife" are lying by the fire]
I just love these quiet evenings, don't you?
WWife
AAGH!
Wait, this is not my beautiful home! This is not my beautiful wife! [Screams]
Same as it ever was. [Repeated multiple times]
[screams]
[Reference to "Once in a Lifetime"]
[Billy, Mandy and Grim are watching tv]
GOGuy on TV
Labbie, Timmy has fallen into a well again! Go save him, Labbie!
Do we have anything else to watch?
But if we turn it off now, we won't know what happens to Labbie!
Mandy "Oh, Labbie. You're our hero. Here, take this golden dog bone as a token of our gratitude."
Woof, woof.
GOGuy on TV
Oh, Labbie! You're our hero! Here, take this golden dog bone as a token of our gratitude.
LLabbie
Woof, woof!
Hey, are you guys puh-psychic?
No, you pea-brain. We've watched this movie 60 times in a row.
It's over!
Woo-hoo! Yes, now what shall we do?
LET'S WATCH IT AGAIN!
[Few hours later]
GOGuy on TV
Run, Labbie! Run like a wind!
I can't believe that Timmy fell into the well again. I mean, wouldn't he get sick of falling into it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over-and over and over and over, ooh, it's over; let's watch it again!
MGMandy & Grim
NO!
[Grim takes out the tape]
No more Labbie!
[Mandy and Grim walk into Billy's living room, the whole place practically destroyed]
Billy, what happened here?
I don't know, Grim... I fell asleep, and I had this crazy dream that I was NAKED at school and the Tchupakabra attacked me!
Billy! Oh, my goodness! What's that?!
What's what?
Over there!
I don't see...
On your back!
On my hat?
Curse you boy! On your back!
[a chupacabra has latched onto Billy's head]
I think it's trying to suck his brains out, man!
Poor thing's gonna starve.
[glances at Rudolpho] So, what are you... in for?
RRudolpho
I beat the snot out of a guy... for FARTING!!
[Grim looks down and spots the duck ready to blow a raspberry]
[desperately] Guard!
RRudolpho
Just the sound of it makes me so ANGRY!!
[more desperately] Guard!
RRudolpho
ANGRY!!
[as desperate as possible] Guard!
GGuard
[finally arrives] All right, Reaper, your bail is here.
I came here as soon as I got the call, yo!
[relieved sigh] I knew I could count on you, Irwin.
[hands a piggy bank to the guard] Here you are, Officer!
GGuard
Gee, thanks.
[throws the piggy bank across the room, breaking it]
GGuard
How much was in that piggy bank?
Four dollars and thirty-two cents.
GGuard
So, you like to be a jokester, do ya, Mr. Funny Guy? Mr. Comedian, eh?
I don't understand.
GGuard
Well, the bail is thirty-five hundred dollars!
[sobbing] I was only trying to be helpful!
GGuard
Now get out of my jail, Irwin. OUT!
[stops sobbing] I'm sorry, Grim! "[walks out]"
GGuard
Yeah, yeah, I'm not Grim! You'd better run, Irwin!
[calmly]
GGuard
I'd like to think I'd make a difference.
That was wiggety-whack, yo.
[finds the duck]
Hey, a duck!
At the rate this duck is getting people in the trouble, I predict this cell will be full in about...four hours.
CCaption
Two hours later... [fart sound]
Man, he's working fast!
HCHector Con Carne
I'm not even on this stupid show anymore!
Oh, I get it! We're playing a game where we make stuff up, right? Okay... I see a big green elephant! He plays the drums and listens to FREEDOM ROCK!
[Mandy's head has been swapped with fly's head]
Mandy looks kinda funny.
I'm not a fly, Billy's Dad. It's me, Mandy. I need you to get Grim.
I get it! You're one of those talking flies that try to look like people!
[Mandy sees a poster with Billy]
Look, it's Billy, and he's racing with wieners.
You mean Irwin and Pud'n?
No, wiener DOGS.
Of course your wasting your time sharpening that piece of crud!
[angry] Why you little... [Scythe shatters and the lights go out]
[in the dark] Where'd all the pieces go? [A light is turned on and it shines thru the holes in Billy's face] Wow! Look at the lights!
[Holding a flashlight] Power tools in the dark? Darwin should be paying you goons a royalty.
[a possible reference to the Darwin Awards]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.