Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Are you the Doctor that's going to cure Uncle Fester?
Well, I'm certainly going to try my best.
Where's your mask and spear?
My what?
The last doctor we had came like that.
Yes, well, um... Uh, this was the best I could do on a spur of the moment.
Since gambling bets aren't enforceable by law...
Never mind about that, I'd shoot him in the back!
Wouldn't that be rather drastic?
For betrayal of trust? Violation of professional ethics? Shooting him in the back would be too good for him.
No, I think it'd be about right...
[to Fester] Would you like to take the vulture for a little stroll? She seems to take to humans.
Her favorite food.
This is rather like being in the jungle again, isn't it, dear?
You were wonderful to have on safari, Tish. No one could skin a hippopotamus like you could.
Oh, darling, any housewife could do that. You were the remarkable one.
Well...
I'll never forget when that tiger broke cover. He charged our gun-bearer.
Ah, yes. Dear Ali-Koshva.
Quick as a wink and without a moment's hesitation you snapped your gun to your shoulder and fired.
Bagged ourselves a wonderful gun-bearer.
We interrupt with a special announcement: An hour ago a dangerous creature broke out of the city zoo. When last seen, the monster was heading for the Greenbrier-Woodlawn area.
That's us again.
Shall I bolt the windows and doors?
Nonsense. It's probably another relative.
Where's Gomez?
He's working on your release. Never lost a case, you know.
And never won one either. Perfect record!
Dear Mama. I'm so glad we're home, really. If we leave her alone too long, she tends to brood.
I don't know why. She has her lizards and her comfy nail-bed, and if things get dull she can always throw darts at Uncle Fester.
You mean hit my own father with an Indian club?
It's for his own good.
Then you do it.
He might get mad at me.
He might get made at me, too.
But while father is ill, you're the head of the family.
[stands up] Hand me that club!
I'm going to get you a lovely, golden-haired doll that says "Mama."
But what have I done?
Nothing.
Then why are you punishing me?
Morticia, it's a ransom note!
A ransom note? You mean...
He's been thing-napped!
But if it isn't a person, just what sort of a thing is it that's missing, Mrs. Addams? Is it a pet?
Well, it's... It's a family retainer.
Oh... oh, it's a... it's a SERVANT. Well, isn't THAT a person?
Not necessarily.
[back from his first day as an insurance salesman] I tried. I knocked on every door in my territory. I was dynamic. I was personable, charming, AND magnetic but it wasn't any use. Oh, my career is ruined. I'm all washed up.
[Fester plods off to his room]
I have a feeling all's not well with Fester.
It's hard to tell. He puts up such a brave front.
All right, you lily-livered goldbrick, are you gonna lie sniveling on that nice, warm bed of nails or are you gonna get up and FIGHT like an ADDAMS?
Well, if it's all the same with you, I'd rather lie here and snivel.
When a pilot crashes, what does he do? He gets right back into that crate and up into the wild, blue yonder again. And when a lion tamer gets ripped up, does he snivel? Does he quit? Not always.
So you see, Lurch, in as much as you love the harpsichord so, the real public benefactors wouldn't be US, it would be YOU.
We even instruct the museum, Lurch, to name YOU as donor.
What do you say to that?
I quit.
No, Lurch... Lurch, y-you can't quit. Y-you're like one of the family.
Oh, think of all those glorious, happy years we've spent together. Think of the children. Think of Mama and Uncle Fester.
[Lurch thinks for a moment]
I quit.
Gomez, darling, it's wonderful the way you just leap in and take charge, lead the way.
That's what they said about old Commodore Addams.
Oh? When he lead his men into battle?
Off his sinking ship.
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