When I bite into a York peppermint patty...I get shot.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
I can tell when people are lying. It's a gift.
You know, I have a friend who can do the same thing.
No you don't.
Why wouldn't you ask me to look after The Mayor's daughter?
Same reason they don't give guns to monkeys
As my assistant, occasionally you may need to assist me.
Every time I throw a Christmas party, someone dies.
I guess every family has their traditions.
So to sum up ladies and gentlemen...I don't know.
Every year, my mom makes a whole Nativity scene out of candy. (picks up a piece) Chocolate Jesus.
James, please. At work, just call me Carter.
Do you not have an ounce of Christmas Spirit in you?
Well, Joseph was about 3 ounces.
I'm going to stand here and read this story to the city, because I want all the children out there to believe in the magic of (reading speech) Satan.
That's Santa. It's a typo.
You wait until there's something important to you and i eat it.
Do you want to go to lockup in jail with the key, little boy?
LBLittle Boy
[sobs] Uh, yes?
[To Justin] Okay, kid, taken away, policeman. [cop arrest Little Boy and taken away]
The Mayor is a man of great vision
(Walks out of sauna with steamed up glasses) I can't see
[Tossing a bunch of towels into the sauna] Here are your towels!
[From inside the sauna] We don't need them!
SStacy
STUART!
(to Mike whose pen has leaked in his mouth when he was chewing on it) Your mouth is blue. Did you have a snow cone?
(about a giant statue giving the finger) Mike, its huge! Where can we put it?
How about my ex-wife's lawn?
(on delaying the funeral) A couple more hours wouldn't kill her ... again.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.