[on phone] Room service? Yes, please send up one bottle of eel saliva, three jars of powdered duck feet, and a pair of moose antlers.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[after Jade interferes with the Tiger's Yin and Yang power, which was separating Jackie]
Jackie, are you okay?
[reveals Jackie's separation was not complete, resulting in Jackie having two heads]
Argh... yeah.
Thank you for asking.
Bwah!
JLJackie Light/Dark
What? [they notice each other] Ah!
Hey, I have a zit! Get off of my body, or I'll pop you! [tries pushing his light side off]
I do not wish to argue, but this is my body too!
I do not see the tiger. Maybe we should split up.
[long pause]
So I got all the brains...
Yo, D-Man. Beam us up.
[Uncle's phone rings]
Room service? I have been waiting for-
Uncle, thank goodness you're-
Jackie! How can you leave Uncle at a shabby hotel with no eel saliva?!
Pull your tongue out of your mouth and wring out the spit!
[gasp] You call Uncle an eel?!
Uncle, I'm sorry!
No I'm not.
Yes I am.
No I'm not.
Yes I am.
Jackie, why do you babble like a crazy person?!
JLJackie-Light/Dark
Because I have two heads!
[coming upon a field of cactus] Whoa, acupuncture city.
Real acupuncture is a good thing, Jade. It stimulates the energy channels, and rids the body of- [the Dark Enforcers suddenly appear]
Hola, Señor Chan.
Bad Chi...
[after Quetzalcoatl shoots a fire attack at El Toro]
PPaco
The statue can shoot fire from his hands?
God of the sun, duh!
[while Daolon Wong expresses frustration with the Dark Enforcers failures]
Chan had a masked crime fighter with him, your worship!
The sun was in our eyes!
We need bigger weapons!
Excuses, excuses! I see that if I wish this task accomplished, I must do it myself!
That's cool. We'll wait here, rest up, order some Chi pizza...
Uh, perhaps Quetzalcoatl would not be so angry if you prove to him you are not... you know. [pointing to the mask]
El Toro Fuerte never removes his mask!
QQuetzalcoatl
Unhand the princess, or face my wrath!
Uh, maybe you should make an exception.
[as Quetzalcoatl flies after them]
PPaco
The statue can fly too?!
God of the sky, duh!
[on phone] Uncle? Now is not a good time!
What is more important than talking to Uncle?
I am in a speeding mining cart fleeing a reanimated Mayan statue trying to seize Jade so he can fly her into the sun!
Why did you not say so? It seems you have found the rat.
[after Quetzalcoatl traps them in a cage of vines]
PPaco
The statue can grow unbreakable vines?
God of-
PPaco
I know, agriculture. Duh!
QQuetzalcoatl
[about the rat] Such power within this small creature. [to Jackie and the others] And such courage within you. With heroes such as you protecting the land from the forces of darkness. I am content to return to my proper place [Quetzalcoatl touches the rat and begins to revert to a statue] Quetzalcoatl bids you farewell.
You are in my soup!
Our locator spells have intersected.
I will seize control of the chi waves, novice. My power is far greater...
Eeee-Ya! [Casts a Chi spell which results in a repetitive feedback image]
One more thing.[blows raspberry] One more thing. [blows raspberry] One more thing...
Monkey Talisman and Monkey King?
Coinkidink?
Forget Monkey King. We must catch Monkey Magic before Daolon Wong does.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.