Ready to go for the gold, Big Bopper?
Jade! How did you-?!
Captain Black said the boats were used to smuggle Jade onto the island, duh!
Not the niece, the stone!
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
BCBartholomew Chang
And over here, the pride and joy of Chang Enterprises; basket weaving. All proceeds go- [Jackie falls from an air vent] You! This area is off limits! What are you doing?!
Looking for Jade!
BCBartholomew Chang
[nervously] What jade?! There is no jade here! I see no jade!
Oh no no no no, Jade my niece, not jade the stone! Have you seen it- I mean, her?
And now that I'm finally rid of that petulant lizard, Shendu, the Dark Hand will rise ag-
Uh, Valmont? Your pancakes are getting cold. [Valmont gives Ratso his pancake stack]
Speaking of temperature, you'll need to acquire some serious heat if we're to embark on our epic crime spree!
FFinn
Now you're talking, Big-V!
CChow
So, what's the plan?
You three will break into Section 13 and steal the Talismans.
Whoa, again?
CChow
Uh, busting into Section 13's kinda risky.
FFinn
Besides V, we don't do flunky work.
Not unless we're getting paid.
Uh true, this Demon nonsense has depleted Dark Hand finances, but you know I'm good for it!
[long pause]
CChow
Okay, but you gotta make us partners.
Call yourselves Vice Presidents if you wish, just bring me those Talismans! [the restaurant bill is placed on the table, which Valmont hands to the Enforcers]
FRFinn, Ratso, & Chow
Hey!
What? I didn't eat.
[after breaking into Section 13] Sweet! No guards in sight!
FCFinn & Chow
Shhh!
Man, security here stinks!
[taking the Talismans] ... and Monkey makes twelve. [suddenly grabbed by Ratso]
FFinn
We'll take those.
CChow
Who are you anyway?
Ooh ooh, I know! He's the drummer from KISS!
FRFinn, Ratso, & Chow
Chan!
Retrieve the Talismans!
FFinn
What he said!
Jackie! You must not let Daolon Wong have the Talismans!
... Okay. No one will have them.
[after Jackie destroys the Talismans]
Jackie... you blew them up!
[sigh] It is finally over... [is cuffed by Uncle] Ow!
Not over. It is just beginning.
It is???
Talismans can be destroyed, but the powers they contain cannot. The magic has been set free, scattered to the winds, which means Daolon Wong will try to find them.
You mean Jackie just started the Talisman Hunt all over again? Cool!
Bu- But where did the magic go?
With no vessels to contain them, the powers will return to their owners; the twelve animals of the Chinese Zodiac.
Hello? The Chinese Zodiac is way ancient. Those animals are history!
As such, the Talisman magic will be drawn to noble animals, those most worthy of their regal ancestors; twelve living creatures, each about to receive an extraordinary gift.
WHAT HAVE I DONE?!
Well?
Uhhh...
CChow
That thing about making us partners? Don't worry about it.
If I were employing you, I would fire you!
[steps from behind a corner] You three! I require your assistance.
FFinn
...So what's the gig pay?
[Daolon Wong chants an incantation which transforms Finn, Ratso, and Chow into Dark Chi Warriors]
Gan, Ren, Chui!
You're orange!
You're bald!
Freaky...
Bow before me, Dark Chi warriors.
Finn don't bow to no- [Daolon forces them to bow using Chi magic]
You are no longer mortal men, but powerful servants enslaved to do my bidding.
Now see here! Finn, Ratso, and Chow are my servants, and I will thank you not to- [Daolon Wong traps Valmont in the ground up to his neck] AH! Hey!
[detects a Talisman power] Ah, it would seem good fortune is mine, for one of the Talisman powers remains near. Come my warriors. [transports himself away]
Where'd he go? [the Dark Enforcers are transported away, leaving Valmont behind]
Wait! You can't just leave me here! Release me at once!
[at a dog show] Which is the beast that I seek? If I destroy all of them, one would remain standing; the one which holds the power of immortality!
Quickly! You must take the dog where Daolon's magic cannot reach!
[looking at all the dogs around him] But which dog, Uncle?
Were you not listening?! The most noble one!
[when the Dark Enforcers realize they can call for their weapons with Chi magic]
Remote control?
Rock and roll!
Hey, Jackie.
Jade, you should be asleep.
So should you. And I know just the thing to help you on one. First we strap on rollerblades instead of trash goal points, then we slip through the talismans out of the vault...
Just because I can sleep, doesn't mean you don't have to.
Aw.....
Are we there yet?
Patience Jade. We will not know where "there" is, until Uncle's locator spell leads us to the animal we seek.
[sitting in the back of the car, producing a Chi spell] The tiger who has inherited the Talisman power of Yin and Yang.
Well make it hurry, because it reeks something fierce in here!
Are you sure the spell is accurate, Uncle? Nevada is not exactly known as tiger country.
Never mock the sock. It is our only chance of finding the tiger before the forces of darkness do.
Well betcha Daolon Wong doesn't have to spend all day cooped up in a smelly car.
[in a car, with Daolon Wong producing a Chi spell while the Dark Enforcers drive]
Pee-ew! Are we there yet?!
So, Big-D, really appreciate you turning us into superpowered Dark Chi dudes and all, but we gotta talk image. I'm not digging the whole orange vibe, and hey, these outfits kinda scream "boy band".
Nah, we look like KISS!
We look like circus freaks.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.