Whaddaya mean? I got the hamster wheel and the hamster food dispenser. [looks in the mirror] Oh no! She's turnin' me into a beautiful butterfly!
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
MMama
Johnny, are you warping time and space again?
Varied are the life forms that inhabit our strange galaxy, and wondrous are the ways that- [sees a marshmallow cookie] Mmm, Mars-mallow!
Whoa! A castle in the sky! Just like in that fairy tale of Little Red Rumplestiltskin and the Three Bears and Gretel!
Hey! I get it! A hunk of cheese! [laughs] Wait a minute, that's not funny.
But these letters! If Santa doesn't get these letters by tonight, I might not get all those free presents I asked for. And who ever heard of a Christmas without free stuff?
Hey, Santa, it's me, Johnny. Remember I'm the one that beat you up last year 'cause I thought you were a burglar?
Dog... donkey... Well, they both start with the letter N...
HHeather
I don't know how to put this lightly, but... I'm actually a counter-intelligence spy working for the CIA trying to take down an underground group of spies who claim to be an offshoot of the CIA but are actually part of the bad guys.
...Wanna see me comb my hair really fast?
[to Millie] I'd like to go on record and say that incident was Loona's fault. Dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target. Its very simple.
Oh, sit on a dick, Moxxie.
[to Loona] You sit! Sit on, a... in the... DO YOUR JOB!!!!!
Hey! now we don't blame our screwups on Loona, Okay?
[to Millie] Honey, could you get the butter?
Sure, sweetie.
Spoiler alert: The butter's spoiled. [Millie giggles]
What's funny, honey?
Really impressive wordplay.
WHAT THE--?! WHY ARE YOU IN OUR FRIDGE?!
[Moxxie wakes up to see Blitz staring him in the face]
Watcha dreamin' about?
MMox
I was dreaming my parents were being murdered. But now, I'd like to go back to that.
[singing] Of all the imps in Hell, it's for her that I fell! Oh, Millie.... [leans in to kiss Millie, then hears Biltz's camera beep] ARE YOU FUCKING FILMING US RIGHT NOW?! [camera moves to show him outside the window]
[Moxxie claims Blitz lives a lonely life; Millie tries to coerce him from angering Blitz] No, no no no, It's fine, Mills, its just your husband is, how do I say this without being offensive? Retarded.
[After hearing a graphically lewd rant from Stolas over the phone, Blitzo smashes his phone up and puts the pieces in a blender, blending it into a smoothie, which Loona immediately drinks]
Eat this, and you know that bridge over the freeway?
Yeah?
SHIT OFF IT.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.