Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
What can we do about the international poo shortage?
[Later]
So it's just animal number two's?
Yes...
So we can't do out bit? [Gets up to go outside]
I don't know about Australia, but they have laws, here.
[Sits back down] And I thought you were going to be different.
I am different, but you haven't looked closely enough.
Who has green sponge balls?
Spongebob Square Pants
Aw...
[Forfeit Klaxon goes off: SPONGEBOB SQUARE PANTS]
That's why you're sitting over there...
[What kind of questions are barristers never allowed to ask a witness?]
Multiple choice.
And finally, a male black widow spider and a female black widow spider just finished having sex. What happens next?
Tiny cigarette.
There a some fantastic places in Newfoundland. Conception Bay South...
Conception Bay South? Yeah, that's what I call it, she doesn't like it. She thinks it's too formal. 'Come on love, let's have a look at Conception Bay South.'
What about Conception Bay North?
Well, that's a special treat for birthdays.
I remember I've been in Thailand for three weeks and I found a copy of the Daily Mail and there was this brilliant article in it by Norman Tebbit and he said “I can't be the only person who noticed the rise in serious crime since same-sex-partnerships were brought in.” You can, Norman, you can be the only person.
[Sandi has produced a model of Newton's Cradle and set it in motion]
Right, my question is, who invented this?
Isn't it Winston Churchill?
You were so epically wrong there, the buzzer didn't even went off.
I want it to be Winston Churchill.
We normally call it Newton's Balls, don't we?
I think Newton's Cradle would be…
I think Newton's Cradle…
I'm afraid I went to a rougher school than you.
I think, if Newton had that many balls, it's no wonder he discovered gravity.
[On otters sliding down a snowy decline]
Is that the remake of Cool Runnings?
What is the best job for a beetle?
Drummer, cause you'd still be alive.
I am giving you an extra point, even though it's horribly wrong.
Is it careers advisor?
Did you have one of those?
Yeah, they told me to be a horticulturist.
You had a nice careers advisor. Mine was like “ Sainsbury's that way, good luck”.
Mine told me “Prison”.
Working or serving?
[On Dik-Diks]
They have the driest poo and most concentrated urine of any ungulant.
Well, clearly they've never spent a night in Wetherspoons.
What is a zookeepers worst nightmare?
Planet of the Apes.
Was it out of the blue redundancies?
Little baby girls can have periods in their first months cause they take in your estrogen.
I did not know that.
Is that the first time you ever had that experience?
What?
Not knowing something.
Welcome to QI. Tonight [goes “blub blub blub, blub blub blub”] we are setting sail... [Laughter]...I do all me own effects.
Right. We start with “How many oceans are there on Earth?”
[Points to screen showing six images of the sea] Six, I can count them.
[Forfeit klaxon “6”]
First time on this show...
Right into that trap.
[On what's the most scary thing about sharks]
The teeth.
[Forfeit klaxon goes off - TEETH]
The fact that they can't go backwards. [looks around confused, then, angrily:] I'm sorry, that takes a bit long to type!
[Forfeit klaxon goes off - WRONG]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
