Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[On discussion of names]
Where you plagued at school by people who: "Turkish Delight"?
Oh yeah. "Turkish delight, don't like it, keeps you up at night." No it doesn't!
Have you tried "Dan Dan, the lavatory man, washed his hair with a frying pan, combed his hair with a leg of a chair, Dan Dan?" Or Danny Boy. There are certain songs that curse you through your life, if you have certain names.
Yeah.
All I got was, "What sort of a fucking name is Jeremy "?
Could you beat a T-Rex at arm wrestling?
Yes, easily.
"Yes, easily?"
[Forfeit Klaxon goes off]
Finally got one.
Well done.
[Text YES, EASILY flashes on the screen]
Oh, even the word "easily"!
Either those are the fastest typers in the world, or I was bang on.
I’m winning, therefore I’m losing.
Now, a question especially for Alan to lose points with in this lucky losers show. Which mammal has the most cells in its body?
Blue whale.
[A special fireworks klaxon goes off - ‘blue whale bonus’.]
It does. And you get a lot of points for that. It’s the blue whale bonus and you get points. And what do points mean? Bad surprises.
What?
Which day is added to a leap year?
February the 29th.
Ah, well done, absolutely.
[The klaxon goes off - ‘February 29’.]
Right. Well it is. I’m standing my ground on this one.
[on penguins]
What is it about them that is so endearing?
They're delicious.
There's a story the other day about the American scientist who is there and he decides to turn tinder on. You know tinder? The dating app? And he got a date with a woman in a tent 45 minutes away.
You're kidding me! That's hilarious
[...]
Grindr however: All penguins.
[Stephen has handed out plastic bags to the panel]
Ah, time for the controversial auto-erotic asphyxiation round.
A blue whale at a birthday party? Well, they take up a lot of room. You’d need a big hall.
Yep.
That’s good, I think you’re getting there.
Yeah? That’s good encouragement, thanks, Richard.
That’s okay.
It’d be fun for the kids to get inside, couldn’t they? Play around.
Bouncy castle.
Bouncy asshole, did you say?
No. I didn’t, but by all means...
Now, who said, ‘the most beautiful girl or woman in the world would be a matter of indifference to me, but tall soldiers, they are my weakness’?
You did.
[The klaxon goes off – ‘you did’.]
Should we have a klaxon? You want a klaxon?
What are you going to say?
Brucie.
[Forfeit Klaxon goes off - BRUCE FORSYTH]
Obviously, if you're watching...
Love, respect. Everything.
What human endurance record gets broken every 8 months?
Pregnancy.
Can you name a famous person who is kept in cryonic preservation?
Walt Disney.
[Forfeit Klaxon goes off - WALT DISNEY]
Quite a few people believe in cryonic preservation, but Walt Disney?
You need to do that in a more Scottish voice. Once again, more Scottish.
(in Scottish accent) Quite a few people believe in cryonic preservation, but Walt Does'nae.
How many moons does the earth have?
Oh, God.
Most definitely, only one.
[Forfeit Klaxon goes off - ONE]
Oh dear, of course. It had to be that.
What is the moon? I think I'm with him.
They changed it.
[Forfeit Klaxon goes off - ONE, "THE" MOON]
The one and only moon!
What’s the world’s longest experiment?
QI.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
