Who likes clowns?
UKIP supporters. They are kind fun and comical and wear silly clothes. But they are also terrifying.
LLLloyd Langford
They also have a lot of white faces.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[Stephen and Victoria Coren Mitchell are locked in a debate about the origin of the word "luncheon"]
This is like watching two great stags...
[The debate continues]
[imitating a tannoy] 30-15, Fry.
I was at the airport in Belfast and I bought the journal of the Titanic Society. It's sort of a photocopy but quite a fat thing. And I read it, it's about a hundred pages, lots of stuff about the Captain and how it's put together, not one reference in the entire book to the fact that it sank. I love it when people are positive. With the Titanic Society, their ship is always half empty of water.
Was it Bill Tidy who did the most fantastic cartoon of all time? It was a queue of people and it said "Information About Titanic". And people would queue up to find out about survivors, women in shawls, and at the back there's two polar bears standing, calling "Any news about the iceberg?".
How did Chicago get completely screwed up?
They brought Catherine Zeta-Jones in.
My legs went to jelly. I did this thing with Bear Grylls, where I had to rappell down a sheer face. I was never so terrified in my entire life. I got there, and I...
Sorry, you rappelled down Bear Grylls face?
He chose the face.
And then your legs went to jelly.
The really frightening thing was, you know, he took me to the edge and then there was 45 minutes...
Sorry, Bear Grylls took you to the edge?
[double facepalms]
All I know about space is taken entirely from Sandra Bullock's performance in Gravity
We know a little bit about it. We know that thunderbolt and lightning, is very, very frightening.
Lightning goes upwards?
Oh, yes. Absolutely.
Wrong.
[on the discussion of Napoleon III]
I had no idea we had a hipster Napoleon.
Oh, yeah!
Check it out. "Yeah, could I have a flat white please? Yeah, the jacket? I got it at this vintage place: it's great."
Why would you keep a leash on a leech?
Is it a medicinal leech?
Yes it is.
They use them in the NHS today, don't they?
Yes, they do. They absolutely do.
ADAlan Davis
You put them on a wound, don't you? And they eat bits that are infected.
No, that's the maggots.
JWJosh Widdecombe
Have I travelled back in time?
No!
And migraine headaches are caused by a demon living in your head!
[On the discussion of the use of leeches helping heal capillaries]
JWJosh Widdecombe
Does it hurt?
It doesn't really hurt much, no no.
What do you mean, how'd you know?
Well, I'm told it doesn't hurt.
I don't you and your public school ways. "Fry, time for a leeching!"
"Scrotum!"
"Yes, sir!"
"Get Fry!"
It doesn't hurt as much as double...
"It's time for his leeching."
"What do you want Scrotum?"
It doesn't hurt as much as Dr. Stavely slamming your dick in a desk, I admit. But - Look, I love to shock you - it's sweet.
JWJosh Widdecombe
Do you remember John Wayne Bobbitt?
Yeah, he went to Winchester.
Of course, we remember Bobbitt. His wife severed his...
Yeah, she cut his penis off and threw it out of the window of a moving car, so it took some finding. But then they sewed it back on and he made some money out of porn films, weirdly.
He must have been rather impressed that a penis took some finding was found. He must have thought "Yes"!
JWJosh Widdecombe
That's why they found the right one: that would have been a disaster.
I could imagine him at the line up. "Could I see number 3 again?"
You're too used to that program: that's just sick.
Who's in charge of all the ants?
Adam.
Very good.
[forfeit klaxon goes off - ADAM ANT]
NO!
We were there before you, I'm afraid.
JWJosh Widdecombe
Is it a queen?
A queen ant? Of course, that's gonna get a klaxon.
[forfeit klaxon goes off - THE QUEEN]
What has four legs and a sense of humour?
Ant and Dec.
India's first nuclear device. Do you know what that was called, and what it might have been?
It was a curry.
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