I got jumbo wrists and I'm covered in tit juice. What have I been up to?
You've changed.
Is it a night out with Tarbuck and Perkins?
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
There is a thing called Dogger Bank itch.
Guilty as charged.
I hate the word breasts.
I do, too.
Lets just say jugs...
...tits...
...bosom.
[weighing in] I like titties.
Sue Perkins and Liza Tarbuck: [unison] Do you?
Historical death, if in doubt, syphilis.
Where the hell did I leave my passport?
I lost mine in a plane once, and it had gone down, under the cushion of my seat. The actual plane seat. And I was on the plane for ages, I refused to get off the plane.
You have to get your seat disassembled. I’ve had that.
And eventually I found it.
[There’s silence as everyone thinks he’s going to say more.]
That’s the end of the story.
That was a beautiful story. That is a lovely, lovely story.
Stephen, is that Alan Davies or is that Peter Ustinov? That was one hell of an anecdote. If that is the level of the bar this evening, I may go home.
[ Stephen has strayed into matters of female intimate anatomy]
It's like you're talking about Narnia or something. Some fantastical land you've only heard about.
You make your way through the fur coats and suddenly...
Woah. [hides his face in his hand]
What did Napoleon say to Josephine on his way back from a journey?
I sense a trap! The only thing I know about Napoleon and Josephine was he said...
Yeah?
What was it? Rob, what was it?
Phill?
Cal?
I’m gonna do it. “I’m coming back. Don’t wash.”
[The klaxon goes off – ‘don’t wash’.]
I only know the other one.
The other one, which might be...?
It’s the one, Rob, what’s it...?
Phill, you know it.
Cal...
Now what’s a male ferret called?
Jeff.
It’s probably quite lucky, isn’t it, that nothing germinates from a discarded kebab. Our city centres would be even worse if these little disgusting saplings with doner meat...
What begins with J and was used by the first man to row the Atlantic to attempt suicide?
Jizz.
Suicide by jizz?
What is the biggest joke ever to come out of Alaska?
Sarah Palin!
Within 10 years, tell me when this great, huge explosion...
1883.
1883?
Um... 1882.
Right. Ladies and gentlemen, viewers at home, brace yourselves.
Oh, hello.
The explosion, the enormous, gigantic eruption of Krakatoa was in 1883.
Thank you.
Can I just say, wtf?
There was a documentary about it on the BBC where they re-enacted it.
Well remembered.
I did have a similar experience to Jimmy’s, in New Zealand. I was going for a lady’s examination, and so lying there with this doctor doing the examination, and she was just tinkering away, and then she goes, “haven’t I seen you on Thank God You’re Here?”, which is a TV show back home, and I went, “Yes, but why are you recognising me now?”
Just out of interest, how many popes does the Vatican have per square kilometre?
How many popes? Like, buried, or in storage?
No, actually live, living popes.
One.
No. It’s actually 2.27 recurring, because the Vatican City’s only 0.44 or a kilometre. So the average would be per square kilometre.
Well, I think we have it, ladies and gentlemen, the most annoying question ever asked!
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