Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[About Mr. Chicken, the last private resident of 10 Downing Street]
Sadly, nothing else is known of Mr. Chicken.
He was a philatelist, and he worked in a bank. And he used to sail. So there's three facts, so I should get some points for those. Little-known facts, but true.
I think he also played the tenor banjo.
He had eleven knuckles!
And, in fact, was actually a chicken.
[exasperated] So, the most biographed man in the 18th century...
Something’s 98% water, I know it is.
Is it the sea?
Do you remember anything he said?
No, not a word. He said something about calcium, there’s a tree with a funny name, I don’t know. Koalas invented rice. Um, other stuff. He’s like a robot!
So tonight we have three astronauts, and one astro-minus-25. Ha, the things I do with words.
[ Jeremy Clarkson holds up a sign saying "I like Stephen".]
It's like having your own little performing donkeys.
In 1900 there was a sport where Britain won a gold medal, in which the only other country that competed was France. Can you imagine what that might have been?
Arrogance?
What’s quite interesting about the sperm of fruit flies?
It smells of guava.
What do you get when you cross a camel with a leopard?
You get a fireside rug you can have a good hump on.
You get sacked from the zoo?
[On how the ancient armies caught elephants]
Well, the truth of the matter is many of these elephants volunteered. They came from small towns, there was no future, no … no circus coming through town …
Now, tonight any flamencos you give in Pyong score barney. And I’ll also give you two Sundays...
What the fuck are you talking about?!
So, the question is, how does the U.S. government look after its sequoia groves?
Er … lions … and tigers are let loose to roam the surrounding areas …
Do they try to win the hearts and minds of the sequoia?
Why shouldn't I strip Alan naked and cover him in gold paint?
You win your Oscar properly like everyone else!
I got the worst Christmas present ever, ever in my life. My sister gave me a "Grow Your Own Luffa" kit.
God bless her!
It was a clay pot, a bag of earth and five seeds. And I think the clay pot hit her hardest.
[discussing the luffa]
If you're a nun...
[appalled] Oh no, don't go there.
[grinning] I didn't say anything!
Oh please.
It's obviously a reason that in Victorian bathrooms they had articles like that, it's a huge excuse for sexual jollities, isn't it? [gestures] "Oh no, I use it for my back!" It would feel like, you know, like sometimes if you sit on your hand, and it feels like someone else is doing it, it would feel like someone with a stump is playing with it. [makes provocative wagging gesture]
Mummy, make the nasty man go away... Very odd.
[Alan makes bashing gestures with luffa]
No! Give me that luffa.
Now you want it.
That's going in the art cupboard and you're going in the naughty corner if you're not careful.
It's going in your penis tin isn't it?
You are very bad children indeed.
What colour was the Model T Ford?
[Whispering to Alan] Don't say, don't say, don't say...
Black?
Oh.
[forfeit klaxon goes off - BLACK]
Oh bless him, like a little puppy that runs into a wall.
You can have any colour, so long as it's black.
Oh, he said that even. Even that phrase.
[forfeit klaxon goes off - ANY COLOR AS LONG AS IT'S BLACK]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
