George, I need to talk to you.
No one talks in the George Lopez media room except Clint Eastwood and those guys begging not to be killed by Clint Eastwood.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Dad, there's some dude in the bathroom. You want me to get the bat?
[to Veronica when Mike calls her again] Every time you talk to him, you're just encouraging him. You gotta get inside the stalker's mind. I knew this guy who was so in love with this woman. He followed her to work, left notes on her car, camped out at her house. I finally had to say, "Look, if you don't knock this off, Ernie, you're gonna go to jail!"
That was a really uncomfortable summer for me.
Angie (to George): I hope what you just found out isn't going to affect your testimony.
Just a little at the end. (reading his speech for court) "I don't think my mom should go to jail for an old robbery when her real crime... is giving away her only son! I HATE HER, I HATE HER SO MUCH! Thank you, ladies and gentlemen of the jury."
Gina (to Ernie): You're not my type.
I'm a man and I have a pulse!
George (to Angie): Our vows were to love, honor and cherish each other. I don't have to tell you nothing.
[George sees Vic in a completely white and really weird looking suit]
[in Cuban accent] Welcome to fantasy island.
[After Ernie rejects his attraction to Angie, hurting her feelings]
You have drooled over my wife every day since high school. Now, the one time I wanted you to tell her she's hot, YOU DON'T DO IT?!
I was trying not to stare! Not in this costume!
George (to Angie): Did you and your mom have any unresolved conflicts?
I wish they were unresolved. Do you know what I said when I was on the phone with her last week? I told her I never forgave her for cheating on my dad. I called her a selfish tramp. That is the last thing I ever said to my mother.
Oh, I'm sorry, Angie. I didn't know that.
Angie (crying): I can never take it back. I can never tell her I'm sorry.
How many times has Carmen said she hated you?
Forty-seven.
You counted?
Yeah, it hurt.
Of all those times, did you ever feel that she stopped loving you?
No.
[to George] What were you gonna do with me when I die?
Pet cemetery!
Max (to George): What if I end up like Ernie?
A thousand things have to go wrong before you end up like Ernie.
(after Ernie's attempts to "seduce" the predator fails) Hey, man, don't worry. I'm sure somewhere... (starts laughing) I can't say it with a straight face. You got rejected by a sexual predator!
George (to Ruth about Benny): That's my mom. You may have heard of her. After her last confession, Father John was seen in the shower saying "I can't get clean. I can't get clean."
RRuth
You know what they say: "Chicken soup is a mother's penicillin."
When I was a kid, my mom's penicillin was: "Hey, fathead, walk it off."
I don't believe you. You framed him. Do you realize because of what you did, I hated men for twenty years?
Hated men? Not on Friday and Saturday nights! How dumb did you think I was, I knew there wasn't a ghost in your room! "Oooooooohhhh." No ghost calls out men's names!
Oh, now I get it! I never understood why a ghost would haunt for 10 minutes, go use your bathroom then haunt again.
Wayne was the best thing that's ever happened to me. I thought we were gonna get married. Why would you do something like this?
Wayne might've been great for you, but not for me.
Was he mean to you? Did he smack you around when I wasn't in the room? Because it's okay, I gave him permission to do that!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.