[about Tammy taking a pregnancy test] The test was positive, but she's not. There were a few guys right before him.
And Ernie was the prize?! What sideshow must have been going on in her bedroom?
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Mom, are you pregnant?
Screw you! The one day I go without my control tops and I got to hear lip from my kid!
I think Ernie needs to know before he shows up in the delivery room and there's four other guys there with camcorders.
[to Carmen when Max complains about his braces] You're just jealous we fixed his problem, but we can't fix the problem with your legs.
What's wrong with my legs?
Nothing if they come with coleslaw and biscuits, chicken legs!
HDr. Holland
Kids learn how to deal with pain from watching their parents. Do either of you overreact to the slightest discomfort?
Hey, I know pain. I had to deal with being abandoned by my father and not being abandoned by my mother.
[to George] What are my real mother and father like?
Well, our father's easy. He ran out on Mom before you were born. I didn't know him, but I tracked him down last year. I punched him in the face, he asked me for a kidney and he died.
And my mother?
Oh, yeah. She's kind of hard to describe in just a few words. She's a short, bitter, drunk. Actually, that covers it.
[after finding out she was adopted] I woke up this morning and I was the only child of two loving, Italian parents. Now it's 11:00 p.m. and I'm a Mexican.
What's going on?
Uh, you know how, uh, sometimes strangers come by and we find out they're related to your dad? Uh...uh, this is one of those nights. Go.
[as he goes upstairs] Carmen, they found another one!
[When everyone rushes out of the house]
You big babies. It was just an aftershock. [several plates almost fall on her] What the hell? [another plate falls next to her]
What's with the plates? Come on, God, quit teasing me! Tip over the fridge! Take her out!
[After Benny takes out a wad of cash from a book]
Benny, how much money is this?
$5,000, but you better not tell anyone what's in this book because I could kill you with what's in that book.
Angie, when we first got married, I thought to myself that I don't deserve you. Now, after eighteen amazing years, I know that I don't. I'm the luckiest guy in the world, Angie and I love you. And if you would just stop trying to go golfing with me and realize that it's my time away from you, we would have the perfect marriage.
[When George and Angie learn that Jason's parents abandoned him]
Well, what kind of parents just leave their kid and then go off to live in another country? That can't be legal.
No, it's not. It's called abandonment. At least that's what the cops said they dragged my mom back from Tijuana and made her untie me from the lemon tree.
Where's Carmen?
At the library.
Oh yeah? How do you know she didn't sneak over to Jason's house?
Because she sent me a picture of her from the library on her cell phone. (hands cell phone to George)
Man, I wish they had these when I was a kid. Mom I woulda sent a picture to Social Services of you hitting me.
Come on, if you couldn't hold on to your sippy cup when I smacked you, what makes you think you could've held onto a phone?
(phone rings, Angie answers it)
Hello?.....Carmen, slow down, what happened? Okay, we're on our way. (hangs up phone)
What is it?
Carmen and Jason just got arrested.
What?! I thought you said she was at the library!
She lied to us. There was a party at Jason's house and somebody brought drugs.
Lemme see the camera phone.
(Angie hands over the phone, George takes a picture of Benny)
Hey, what's that for?
I'm gonna show her what a hard life of partying does, show me your ankles.
Get out, get out. (angrily chases them out of the house)
Drugs, Carmen?!
Dad, I can explain. I didn't do any drugs.
Let me guess, you were at the party and the drugs just happened to show up.
Yes!
Is that you talking or the monkey on your back? How many colors do you see, huh junkie?
George, stop it. STOP IT. (pulls Carmen aside) Carmen, what really happened?
Well, some guys from another school came and crashed the party, and started smoking pot and then the cops came and nobody would admit the drugs were theirs so they brought us all in for questioning.
Oh, honey, why didn't you just say so? Now I believe you.
(flashes a flashlight in her face)
Hurts, doesn't it, junkie?!
George!
Angie, her pupils are huge!
They're dark brown, that's the way they always look.
Really? They're not green?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.