“Unfinished Business” quotes from Criminal Minds

(in the Munsters' sketch, listening to George's heart) Your heart is as healthy as a horse's.

George

(as Herman) It should be. It won the Kentucky Derby.

George

(as Ward Cleaver, to Max) I'm not going to die. I eat red meat three times a day and smoke like a chimney just like the doctor says.

Angie

[to Max] I know middle school can be tough, but remember bullies are just friends who don't realize how special you are.

George

What kind of crap are you teaching him?! No wonder kids of all races are coming together to beat up Max!

Angie

[to Max] You remember the song Sammy the Skater sang? [sings] "You can still be rad with a helmet and some elbow pads."

George

Órale, Angie. You know what other song Sammy the Skater sang? [sings in the tune of "Pop Goes the Weasel"] "Shut up, shut up. You're making it worse. Now meet me in the kitchen."

George

Last year, Max waited up for Santa. This year, he and his friends are going to wait on the roof and jack his sleigh. And God only knows what Carmen's going to do with the elves.

Winnie

[about her daughter] Do you know why I call her Lil' Bit? Cuz she's just my little bit of heaven.

[to Angie] Nice to meet you, ma'am.

George

(to Carmen and Max) You hear that? She calls your mother "ma'am" and not just cause she's old, but out of respect too.

[to Max] You know why they call me Lil' Bit? I won't do everything, but I'll do a lil' bit.

George

[to Benny] You behave yourself or else all I have to do is shove you outside, yell "WILD BOAR!" and wait for the shooting to start. Then I'll have you mounted so the high school football team can rub your snout for good luck

Winnie

Angie, your daughter's stinking drunk.

Carmen

I sure 'yam, but what else is there to do here except drink? Unless you want to make out with some tramp behind the Canyon Mart. [sees Lil' Bit] Hey, you're here!

George

Our kids didn't get in this alone. Somebody gave my son a hickey and somebody gave my 15-year-old daughter beer.

Carmen

You can get it anywhere around here, Dad. Everybody drinks and nobody cards you.

Winnie

I'll have you know my oldest son has never had alcohol.

Carmen

Pot head!

Winnie

So that's where the ice cream is going.

George

[to Benny] Just find the end of a pencil and hop on it, troll!

You know, when I was a kid, I got a black eye for Christmas and I said thank you.

Carmen

Grandma, how old were you when your parents got you a car? [Benny laughs] Okay, Dad. How old were you when Grandma got you a car? [George and Benny both laugh] Okay, okay. None of you got cars, but aren't you supposed to want better for your kids?

Carmen

I'm gonna distract Jason with my body and destroy him with my mind.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I've distracted with my body. Hell, I've destroyed with my body. I remember one time when I distracted one guy while I destroyed the other.

George

I remember that day. You forgot to put a sock on the front door and I walked in on you. That was not a good Mother's Day for me.

Jason

I haven't even brought it up.

George

Don't lie to me.

Jason

I'm not. I swear.

George

Then why did she ask us for birth control pills?

Jason

[in an excited tone] Really, she asked for birth control? No way! [George gives him a look] No way you should allow her to have those. No.

George

So this wasn't your idea?

Jason

Look, Mr. Lopez. I'm walking on eggshells with Carmen as it is, all right? I would never do anything to pressure her. I'm just glad she took me back.

George

Damn! So it was her idea. All this time, I've been worried about boys pressuring her. I even told her all the tricks that guys would use to get her in bed. Oh, my God, I gave her a playbook! No matter what she says, nobody likes to just lie there naked and hug.