NNoah
Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Lopez, is Carmen ready?
You know, Noah, I went to see A Walk in the Tuscan Meadow last night. Saw the whole thing.
NNoah
Didn't you love the ending when the cheesemaker comes home from war, but he can't make cheese anymore because he lost his arms? But then his son shows up and says, "Papa, I'll be your hands."
[he and Angie feel relieved]
Yeah, that was really moving, but I meant the gay horseplay.
Mr. Lopez saw you... Being very friendly with another boy.
Okay, we talked to Carmen, and it's all out in the open, okay? So nobody has to sneak around anymore.
NNoah
Well, thank god, 'cause I thought you'd be mad at Carmen.
Why would we be mad at her? She can't help who she falls for.
NNoah
Because she was sure you guys would freak if you knew she was seeing Zack.
Wait, wait, wait, wait! She was seeing Zack Powers behind our back, and you were her cover?
[after Noah said that Carmen is really dating Zack Powers and attempts to excuse himself]
NNoah
Look, I'm really sorry about this. I mean, you guys are so nice to me and your mother, I really enjoyed meeting your mother, she was--
[interrupting] Enough of your lies! Out! I enjoyed meeting your mother, Ta Loca. I enjoyed meeting your mother.
You can't threaten my boyfriend!
The fake, gay, cover boyfriend, or the boyfriend you've been seeing behind our backs for a month?
You read my diary?! I hate you!
I know! It's written on every page in here. [reads the diary] "I hate Dad! God, I hate Dad!" "Hey, old lady! Hang up the miniskirt! You're not 15 anymore!" [to Angie] Oh, that one's about you.
You had no right to read this.
You've lost all your rights by lying to us, and if we have to look in your diary to find the truth about Zack, we'll do it.
Oh, you wanna know the truth?! Well, here it is! I'm dating Zack because I love him and he loves me too!
Carmen, he doesn't love you. He's just using you.
Look, he told me he was gonna dump you as soon as he gets you into bed. Wake up!
You're lying! You hate him so much, you'd say anything to keep us apart!
Yeah? Did I make up that he vandalized the factory? That he got a girl pregnant?
He didn't respect the girl enough to be safe.
No, no, no. You guys don't understand Zack. His dad was never there for him, and his mom's a bitter, old drunk. You have no idea what that's like.
[George thinks how Zack's life is just like his life and he looks at Benny who feels guilty. She tries to hide her beer behind her purse]
[to Benny] You wanna field that one? [to Carmen] Okay, you know what? End of discussion. Okay, we did not raise you this far so you can screw up your life with Zack, so there is no way in hell that you are ever gonna see him again!
You can't stop me, 'cause I'm almost 16. I'm almost a woman. I can do whatever I want.
Not as long as you live in this house. Okay, if you don't like it here, go live somewhere else.
George, please calm down.
Look, I'm not gonna calm down, Angie! I'm tired of her disrespecting us! [to Carmen] Go see what it's like out there! Send us a postcard!
And don't expect me to come looking for you!
I wish you weren't my dad.
[to Carmen] You're not going out tonight.
I get it, it's too soon. I'll just go to bed, but I want you to know things aren't the same. I partied with Chingy and I shared a sandwich with a homeless guy. I've done it all. So no more curfews, no more rules, I'm an adult and tomorrow night, I'm going out.
[to Angie] She's right. Things aren't the same. They're worse.
[to Carmen] You were in hotel rooms. Don't think I'm going to believe nothing happened.
Nothing did happen! You want to take me to a doctor and get me tested? I'm still a virgin.
We'll go to the doctor. It's 9:00 at night, We'll go to the emergency room.
Dad, I didn't do anything!
I didn't! You raised me better that that!
No, I didn't. I was never there, I was always busy, I was too hard on you.
Yeah, you were. And every time Zack tried to get me to do something with him, I heard you tell me, "Don't do anything you'd be embarrassed to tell me or your mother about."
Carmen, get your stuff. I'm taking you home.
No. No, I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying with my friends.
Friends? How do you even know all these people?
Well, Zack broke up with me in a club and I was crying in the bathroom and one of Chingy's dancers was there to cheer me up, so we just started hanging.
Who's Chingy? [everyone in the room looks at George weirdly]
Who's Chingy?! I can't believe you. His videos are on all the time. "Balla Baby"? "Holidae Inn"?
Hey, George ,you find Carmen yet? Hey, what's Chingy doing here?
[after Max went upstairs to bed]
[to Carmen] All right. What the hell happened out there?
Now is not the time, George.
It's none of your business anyway.
Everything you do is my business.
You're damn right I have issues. Look, I tried to give you everything I never had and you run away from it.
Oh, yeah. I have everything. I have a father and a mother who treat me like a baby and control everything I do.
Carmen, you're lucky you have parents who care. Look, I didn't have a dad and I prayed that my mom would come home at 6:00 so I could see her before bedtime. If I was lucky, she came home drunk with the spins, so she'd have to hold on to me! That was my hug!
George! Remember the literature? She's home safe and sound. We should be happy now.
Look, Angie, don't try to pretend like everything's alright. Okay, it wasn't alright when last night you were crying.
Maybe you should've thought of that when you told me to leave.
Stop it! We all need to give each other time to accept... [reaches for her brochure in her back pocket, reads it, then puts it back]... to accept the reunification process.
[Vic arrives in the backyard and George gets his attention]
Hold up. [goes into the garage and gets a putter] Hey, man, I know you're having trouble with your game. How would you like my lucky putter?
I can't just take your lucky putter, George, come on.
You're right, give me $1,000.
$1,000? What's going on? Money problems again?
Angie picked out this ring I can't afford, and she thinks I'm gonna get it for her.
George, George. A ring means nothing. I gave my wife a three-carat stone. But that didn't stop her from cheating on me. She even threw the ring at me during counseling when I called her a mattress-hopping whore frog. In Spanish, that is devastating.
You know, it's horrible when a marriage falls apart. Hey, did you keep that ring?
Yeah. I'm gonna use it to scratch "fornicator" on her coffin. So the devil knows which line to put her in.
Look, Vic, that ring obviously has a lot of bad memories for you, but if you gave it to me, and I give it to Angie, that would make your daughter happy. That would make a good memory.
But, she would know it's her mother's ring?
No, no, she won't. I'll take the stone-- I'll put it in a new setting.
Hey, hey, hey. When we got married, we couldn't afford a decent wedding, and you didn't help us. This would make up for that 100 times over.
[Vic thinks for a minute]
Okay, George. Because it will make my daughter happy, I will give you the ring.
Oh, man. Thanks, Vic. This means a lot to me.
And I will take the putter, your table saw, and your power drill.
I'm not finished. [taps George's left shoe with the putter] What size shoe are you?
[George goes into the kitchen and Vic closes the patio door]
Change of plans, don't give her the ring.
What? I just gave it to her. What do you think this was about, that shirt?
You got me this for Christmas.
Hey. [does a thumbs up] What's going on?
Well, last night, I did something very stupid. I went to Happy Hour at Baja Beach, and you know, they got those giant margaritas.
Well, I was drunk. So I called Angie's mother and told her I gave her diamond to a younger woman.
Oh, the whole bar cheered for me, man. [does a crazy dance and chanting] Whore frog! Whore frog! Whore frog!
Sorry, George. Legally, the ring is hers from the settlement that she demanded it back.
Oh, man, the ring is Angie's now. Tell Emilina you lost it, tha-tha-tha-that someone stole it.
Hey. If I don't give that ring back to Emilina, I would have to pay her $30,000.
Good. You stay calm, you came up with the solution. Nice work, Vic.
George. I have no choice. If you don't tell her, I will have to.
[about homeschooling Carmen] Well, George, I do have time now because I'm not working.
But homeschooling, Angie, that's a big commitment. Remember that special moment every morning when Carmen finally leaves for school and you say, "Thank god she's gone!"? You won't have that anymore!
