Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Now, start by making a small incision across her abdomen.
All right... there! That wasn't so bad.
Nice, very nice. Now, this time, let's try to actually break the skin.
Okay... yeah, you know, this isn't so hard, it's really... [gasp] Ugh! Blood!
[annoyed] Inside a human, well, don't that beat all?
[at Dan's funeral] The Dan Fielding I knew was a self-centered, egotistical, boot-licking, no-good sack of slime in a $500 suit. His every action had an ulterior motive: if Dan gave you the shirt off his back you could bet that his pants and underwear would soon follow.
Miss Sullivan, in this case I happen to think Dan is more qualified.
Why, because he has a pair of... [notices Roz staring at her] ...pants?
[disappointed] Chicken!
[after the State Assembly race is announced to be a tie by a single, last-minute vote, the voter's body is brought into the morgue]
What was it, a heart attack?
[hands Harry a note] Suicide.
[reading] "I can't stand living in this crummy city another day. So as a final gesture of my contempt for New York, I'm voting to put that scummy worm Dan Fielding into office. Fielding and New York deserve each other. Goodbye, and good riddance."
[sniffles] What a tribute!
Bull, I'm sure if you just tell Roz what happened, she'll understand.
[storms in] When I find the butthead who stole my coffee mug, I'm gonna yank his shorts out through his nose!
[whispers to Mac] Would that hurt?
Oh, yeah.
[Diane doesn't believe that Harry's really a judge]
Hey, Bull! [stands up straight with his fists on his hips] Who am I?
...You're Superman.
No, no, I mean in real life.
Oh, Clark Kent.
My God, don't you realize that woman is dangerous? She over-identifies with characters in movies, and acts them out. Sometimes with horrifying results!
Boy, and she seemed so sweet when we were watching TV in the lounge.
Quickly, miss! Exactly what were you watching?
Uh, it was an old black-and-white movie about a guy in a dress.
Oh, uh... Some Like It Hot?
No... Psycho!
[Looks of horror all around]
Harry [over the phone] You gotta listen to me! That woman you're with is psychotic!
[chuckles] Well, maybe a little enthusiastic...
[as he turns away, Valerie takes a butcher knife out of her purse...]
Yeah? Uh, listen, how exactly are we defining "homicidal"?
[And throws it, embedding it into the wall a few inches in front of Dan's nose]
[into phone] Uh, Harry? [screaming] HELLLLLP!
[yanks the phone cord out of the wall] Sorry... wrong number.
Christine (over the phone): Hi, is this the St. Ain Motel?...Beg your pardon? (looks at the phone book again; in disgust): The Stain Motel. Uh, yes, I'm looking for a man. He's tall, he's got dark hair, he's wearing a gray suit, and a red and black tie...What's that? (looks down): Oh, I'm wearing a black skirt and a pink swe...What difference does that make?...You want to do what with my shoes? (offended): How did you even think of that?! (hangs up)
[ducking balls of wadded-up paper] Look, Quon Le, if you really want to hurt me, you've gotta throw something heavier!
Oh, I will! I'm just perfecting my aim!
[after hearing of Irwin's rescue from a Macy's Thanksgiving balloon] You must be the luckiest man who ever lived.
No... Dan Quayle is.
Tell you what. If you feel up to it, I know a place around the corner that serves a great cappuccino. And if we get there before eleven, you can watch me wrestle a live, large Swede woman.
Maybe not all in one night.
Come on, give me a break, I've been in a coma for twenty years.
In that case, you want to bet on the Packers this Sunday?
Uh, Your Honor, the defendant, Mr. Carney, had no apparent hope of recovery. The doctors asked Mr. Higgins, his nephew and only living relative, if they could pull the plug. Choking back the tears, Mr. Higgins told the staff, "tag him and bag him, Doc."
I hate to get too technical here, but when did the illegal stuff happen?
When I came by the hospital to take him home. Can you believe it? He hit me right in the vestibule!
Gee, that must have hurt.
[Roz is wearing an elf suit.]
Are you laughing at me, Dan?
[laughing] Yes, I am laughing at you. Men have died laughing at less.
[Roz pulls out a large plastic candy cane and presses the tip against Dan's chest.]
Pick a body cavity, Dan.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
