ICIGBG CEO
Troglor! I can't allow them to make their own independent Gwimbly game. It's my IP to sit on and do nothing with!
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
JJames
Hey! [James snaps his fingers to garner Charlie's attention] Where is it?
[tired, dressed up in a maid costume] I-I don't know how good this is going to be. I've-I've never made a casserole before.
JJames
Why are you dressed like that?
Because you said it would make you smile.
JJames
[He inspects the dish more closely, but finds it unsatisfactory.] I want McDonald's. [Throws a casserole dish against the wall]
[concerned] Look, I've literally done every single thing you've asked. I - I don't know why you're doing this to me but I'm begging you - I'm begging you, please. [inhales] Please, I want you to genuinely smile, please? Just smile.
JJames
[rips off a piece of Charlie's nose] Dude, I couldn't focus on what you were saying with that thing on your face. I was sick of staring at it.
[screaming in pure agony] AAAAAAAAAAAAAA--!!!
CGCount Groxia
Uh, yeah, I gotta be honest, it does sound cool, but my schedule is so packed. There's just no time, you know? My boy's learning piano, my daughter is doing… all sorts of stuff. But yeah, if I had the time I totally would. But--but no, yeah.
Are there any other characters from your stupid game?
Hmm, well, there is my trusty sidekick Mr. Millipede! I wonder what he's up to…
[Hard cut to Mr. Millipede’s tombstone at a graveyard. Gwimbly, holding a bottle of beer, and Pim, feeling sad, look at the tombstone.]
I am so sorry, Gwimbly.
It's just wrong, man. Mr. Millipede was like a damn brother to me. And I'm gonna say what nobody else is willing to say: America has a fucking fentanyl crisis. [pours the beer onto the grave] Ooh-ooh-ooooohh… [starts to sob]
That's beautiful.
Oh, Allan! I actually have a very exciting job for you too! I just ran out of those little metal things that hold paper together. The eff are they called again? You know, the thing that's all like-- [he bends his pointer finger backwards, instantly breaking it]
Paperclips?
Yeah, that's it! If you could fetch some for me, I might have a special reward for you.
Hm, what's the reward?
Well, if I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, Allan, now would it?
No, I guess not. Okay, I'm gonna go get those paperclips, then.
[deeper, "normal" voice] Cool. Cool... I really hurt my finger doing that paperclip bit.
Yeah, no, I-- I saw.
Guys, I know this might sound a little bit fucked up to say, but… I'm starting to think, for the good of humanity, we might need to kill the boss's wife.
BBrittany
You think I'm evil? You've misunderstood me! [begins crying]
Waitwaitwaitwait. Are you saying you didn't suck the boss's life out of him and put him into a scary coma so you could take over the business and give it all to Satan?
BBrittany
No, I did do all of that, but you didn't have to be so nasty about it!
DDoug
Yo.
PProfessor Psychotic
Uh... Yo, what's up? What's up, man?
DDoug
Vanessa's over; we're trying to watch TV. You're being incredibly loud.
PProfessor Psychotic
Uh... You just-- Like, my volume, or--?
DDoug
(starting to get annoyed) Yeah, "volume". That's what "loud" means, doesn't it?
PProfessor Psychotic
Yeah-- I have the door closed, I mean...
DDoug
We're on the couch, on the other side of this paper-thin wall, we're trying to watch a nice, romantic movie, and all we're hearing is injecting DNA into an egg!
PProfessor Psychotic
Yeah, well, that's what I do, yeah.
DDoug
(fed up with his excuses now) Yeah, that's what you do- you waste time. You do stupid shit, all the time!
PProfessor Psychotic
You know, this-- this is what I care about, Doug. C'mon.
DDoug
This is what you care about?! Care about something better! Care about yourself, maybe- care about me! The people who are keeping you alive!
PProfessor Psychotic
I-- I care about you! This is, like, my-- This is my job, basically.
DDoug
(knowing full well his excuses are just bullshit) Oh, no, you care about me? That's so good! You know what you oughtta do- "your job"? Get an actual job! Get one that pays you!
PProfessor Psychotic
You know, I looked? It's a hard economy out there right now!
DDoug
"It's a hard economy?" How about the economy of my patience, it's runnin' thin, buddy! Paper-thin, like these walls.
PProfessor Psychotic
Dude, you have your problems, too. Like--
DDoug
(finally snaps) I've got my prob--? Okay, okay! Get the fuck out!
PProfessor Psychotic
I--
DDoug
GET THE FUCK! OUT! Go!
DDoug
I oughtta knock your block off, you little freak.
Pim, the world we live in stresses me out, dude.
Really? Why?
Just, like, never-ending constant chaos, no-- It-- It never lets up. I hate it, I-- It's not good.
Oh, okay. I mean... Like, you didn't like when the man came out of the egg, though? That was kinda nice, wasn't it?
No, that's what I'm talking about. That's exactly what I mean.
Oh, oh. You didn't like that-- Oh, I'm-- I'm sorry.
What? It's not-- You didn't do it, it's not your fault.
Yeah, okay.
Wait, what? What am-- Dude, what am I looking at? What is that?
Charlie, that-- that's not Earth, right?
[Reveal: The Flat Earth.]
Pim, that's completely flat, that a hun-- that's a hundred percent flat, dude!
I know, that's what I mean, that-- I'm-- that's what I'm saying, that-- That can't be real, right? That's not, like--
I-- It-- We're looking at it, dude! That-- The-- The Earth is, uh-- the Earth is flat! The Earth-- I just-- look at-- I dunno, the Earth is flat!
Charlie, the Earth can't actually be flat, right?
There's the glass dome! Dude, dude, oh my God, dude, oh my--
This is-- This can't be real.
I need to sit down.
This can't--
Pim, we-- we need to take this to the grave, we cannot tell anybody. This changes literally every-- This changes everything.
No, I-- I know. I c-- We can't-- We can never tell-- We can never tell anyone.
I might actually puke, get back a little. I might puke. Stand back. I'm gonna throw up.
Oh my-- Okay.
I'm gonna throw up.
The Earth is flat, Charlie.
I know.
Wait! Before you kill us, can we at least speak to the leader of this wonderful country?
JMr. Jester
Okay. [Takes off black hood and puts on a crown.]
Oh… okay. I tried.
I learned today that all cultures are equal and there’s no such thing as a bad culture.
[Mr. Boss and Oscar kiss.]
OOscar
Thank you for showing me the silliness of my ways, Pim. I formally declare an end to the eye rule, AND ALL RULES FOR THAT MATTER! NO MORE RULES!!!
[The Spamtopians start cheering as the entire country descends into anarchy and chants "No more rules", a frantic montage showing them murdering each other, committing arson, robbing banks and detonating bombs, taking the "no rules" rule so literally that the laws of physics seem to stop working and Spamtopia implodes in on itself in a massive pile of debauchery as Pim and Mr. Boss watch on. They duck away from an explosion, so violent it literally blows on-screen subtitles saying "no more rules" clean off-screen.]
...we should probably go, Mr. Boss.
Yeah, okay, no, let's-let's get out of here.
[Opening the back door of the building.] What’s all the commotion out here, boys?
The snowman came to life. There must have been some magic in that old daffodil I found.
You mean the daffodils that grow out of my nuclear waste?
[Cut to spilled nuclear waste, where the daffodils are grown into them.]
Oh I must’ve missed that.
You brought a snowman to life only to teach him he’s gonna die someday? You might be a psychopath, Pim.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.