Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
You know, it's polite for the first person downstairs to make the coffee even if that person has a penis!
Well, you know, it's also polite for the first person who uses the bathroom to spend less than 45 minutes in there even if that person has a vulva.
[entering] Oh goodness, everyone's here.
With all their genitalia.
No one can ever solve someone else's life.
So basically, your job is pointless.
No one but a guidance counselor, I mean.
You want me to complain? Alright then, Fuck this. Fuck you; fuck all of you and your sniveling self pity, and fuck all your lousy parents. Fuck my lousy parents while were at it. Fuck my selfish, bohemian sister and her fucking bliss. Fuck my legless grandmother. Fuck my dead husband, and my lousy children with their nasty little secrets. And fuck you Robby for dragging me to this terrible place and not letting me have a snickers bar. I'm going to get something to eat!
Academia is one huge circle jerk. All the sequestered people desperately defending the one good idea they have had in their lives.
What about you saying that things happen that leave marks … in people, in space, in time?
Yeah, that's physics. Energy affecting matter. Talking to dead people is delusional.
So you definitely don't believe in any kind of a life after death?
I think people live on through the people they love and the things they do with their lives … if they manage to do things with their lives.
But that's it, that's it? That's all there is, there's nothing more, there's nothing like bigger?
Just energy.
But there's no plan, no—
No, there's definitely no plan. Just survival. Should I have ordered the salmon?
Uh, I don't know. How can you live like that? I mean, what if you found out you were gonna die tomorrow?
I've been prepared to die tomorrow since I was six years old.
Really?
Yeah, pretty much. We never got butter.
Well, why, since you were six?
Because I read a report on the effect nuclear war would have on the world, and it was pretty clear to me at that point that this was definitely gonna happen.
When you were six?
And I wake up every day pretty much surprised that, um … everything is still here.
Well, I don't understand how you can live like that.
Well, I thought we all did.
The only god I know is a mean-spirited comedian in ugly pants whose every joke has the same damn punchline.
Yeah, I'll have a double dub – uh – uh – a – a Chubby – a double Chubby – a Chubby Chubby – a double double – a double chubby – a chubby chubby – a chub – I'll have a doub – I'll have a double Chubby cheeseburger. [scrunches eyes, having a major headache] Oh, fuck me!
Maybe Emily Previn was autistic. I read an article once about a high-functioning autistic person who didn't need people. She just had a job designing these big cattle slaughterhouses. At night, she came home and sat in a machine that made her feel like she was being hugged. And that was all the intimacy she needed.
That's really upsetting.
I don't see why this person has to be mentally ill just because she had a life that doesn't conform to some familiar image that we have in our heads. Maybe she was living the life she wanted. The life without the hassle of other people.
What kind of a life is that?
You know, it's just so sad that you can love somebody so much and have absolutely no idea what's going on in their head.
[Brenda tells her massage client to roll onto his back. When he does so, she notices that he has an erection.]
Sorry. Happens to me all the time.
Nothing I haven't seen before, so don't be embarrassed.
Who said I'm embarrassed?
Hm. [laughs gently, tries to go back to her work] Okay. [stares at his erect penis and then at him. Puts her hand on it and gives him a strong handjob.]
[Nate and Brenda are talking about the book she is writing.]
Well, who's Christina? Is that your fictional alter ego? Your Holden Caulfield?
She's more like my Humbert Humbert. [Nate stares blankly] You know, my Constance Chatterley. [Nate looks slightly confused] She's like Hermione in the Harry Potter books.
What would you rather have: some overly-educated gasbag like Trevor … or a semi-literate fuck machine like me? Come on.
That's a no-brainer, no pun intended.
Maybe your soulmate is the one who forces your soul to grow the most?
Better is one day in this life than all eternity in the world to come.
[Brenda browses through clothes in a department store when a saleswoman approaches her.]
Anything I can help you with?
Yes, I'm looking for clothes so expensive only an idiot would buy them. [walks over to a skirt] Oh, there they are! [saleswoman walks away angrily]
[A male shopper smiles at Brenda as she buys clothes. They slowly approach each other.]
Excuse me. [reaching for a skirt]
Be my guest. [Brenda slowly puts her hand on his and lightly brushes it with her fingertips. He reacts by slowly putting his hand on her butt. Brenda thinks for a moment and then moves his hand to her front and puts it up her dress. He starts giving her a handjob below her dress.]
Excuse me. Your wife would like you to see how she looks in her Jill Sanders sweater. [the man leaves.] And I think you should leave, or I'll have to call Security.
[leaving] Do you validate?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
