“Unfinished Business” quotes from Criminal Minds

Lila

I'm calling Wendell, Tyler, Sissy and Bumper's moms again! You need a best friend, mister!

I have a best friend, ok! A best friend who plays catch with me outside, skateboards with me and eats my table scraps. Dukey.

Hugh

Dukey is a great dog, son. But... you need to talk to someone other than yourself.

(to Dukey) Say 'hi'. Go on, say it. Say it before they destroy me with friends!

Lila

Johnny, dogs don't talk.

[Standing on his hind legs] I talk. (Mom and Dad gasp) Yeah, I'm like a really great dog. (Laughs, and Mom and Dad faint.)

Susan

Eh, they'll be fine in about 2 hours.

Hugh

Uh, is there anything you like to say, Dukey?

Well, I've been dying to say that if you really want to increase sales you need to establish better relationships with your clients.

Lila

That makes sense.

And Dad, your meatloaf is overcooked. Lower the temperature to 415, cook with foil on top for the last ten minutes and it's missing cumin and barbecue sauce.

Hugh

He's right. By golly, he's right! Let's cook a meatloaf right now, boy!

Lila

Dukey, wait! I want more business tips.

Ok, I think this is going well.

Bumper

Why am I helping you? I should be beating you up!

Because I need someone who can scare people. And Bumper, you are amazing at scaring people!

Bumper

You... you think I'm amazing? (tearfully) Nobody's ever said that to me. (Hugging him) I am so there for you, buddy!

What do we do now, Test?

Well... what do friends do?

Bumper

Er... I think they play Tag.

Play Tag.

You guys are pathetic!

No, totally pathetic!

Susan

We know.

You know, the only thing missing is my dad telling me that I have to have them back to normal by dinner or I'm in big trouble and- he's standing right behind me, isn't he?

I'd like to start this conversation with; I didn't do it.

I don't know what "it" is, Johnny, but you better have Susan and Mary home and normal by dinner or you're in big trouble, BIG!

Susan

People go looney when they get power.

It happened to George III, Henry VIII and Napoleon. And he was short and crazy just like you.

Susan

You'll get the power, enjoy it way too much and try and take over Europe. So forget it!

Europe? I'm not gonna take over Europe today.

Susan

I knew I was gonna regret this.

And now my chess army... LET'S TAKE OVER EUROPE!

Way to go, my army! We have captured Spain, and their flan!

Freeze, King Johnny! Your reign and this game are over!

I say when the game is over and PAWNS ATTACK!

Attention, crazy person!

Come out with your royal hands up or massive force will be... used... on... you...

Oh, for the love of... is that Johnny in there?

Yep.

Why can't you guys be like normal kids and play board games?

That's kind of what we're doing. (Laughs.)

You think you can stop me?! The king with your blasters?!

Actually we're gonna use the turbo soaker. Check and mate!

Who? What? Where? What happened?

You went crazy with the King Madness and took over the Toy Castle.

Did we have fun?

We had a blast!

OW! You hit us with frying pans!

Since when does that hurt? [He and Bone hit each other with frying pans and their faces are completely flat. They shake their heads and they return to normal.] That is always funizle!

Oh, no. They're from a squash and stretch cartoon!

And that means?

They can't get hurt in our world, but we can!

This is a new one.

Hey, that was kinda funny!

Not funny anymore! Run!

And you still don't see anything familiar about this cartoon?

Nope. Ok, Dawg. Do it!

You got it, Johnny.

Awesome!