“Unfinished Business” quotes from Criminal Minds

Max

At least give me a spell to fix this!

Alex

[calls] You're on your own, jerkface!

Max

Thank you! [takes out wand, and tries to cast spell] 'You're on your own, jerkface!'

I'm a bit of a practical joker myself.

Max

Really?

Yeah I've played a lot of jokes on your father over the years

Max

Like what?

Well like, wadding up his clothes so they get all wrinkled. (laughs) Or putting a sign on his back that says something hilarious... like umm.. "My knees hurt in the morning." (laughs) or or umm..."I could use a good shower." (laughs harder)

Max

Mom, those are the worse practical jokes I've ever heard.

What?! Maybe you just don't understand them the note says "My knees hurt in the morning." (laughing) That way when people read it they'll think he's a stinky geezer. (laughs hysterically while jumping up and down) (she looks at Max's expressionless face)

Don't you get it? You don't get it?

Alex

(waves her wand) What he did.

Justin

Who wrote down one syllable?

Max

I did!

Jerry

You were supposed to write titles.

Justin

That is infuriating isn't it, dad? Doesn't it make you just want to... throw a table.

Jerry

I'm sure there's a book titled "One Syllable" out there somewhere.

Jerry

No Alex, you stay, you're not disqualified. I got that fair and square. [stands up] YOUR MOTHER IS STACKING THE TEAMS AGAINST US!!

Justin

That's what I'm talking about!

Theresa

What? You heard her! She cheated.

Justin

And I'm livid. You know what? They should both be disqualified out of here.

Jerry

Oh, this is totally bogus!

Max

Dad's pouting 'cause he lost a fight again,

Theresa

No! We are not fighting, that's one thing we are not doing; we're not fighting. So stop fighting! The neighbors can hear us!

That's it! I'm calling the cops.

Jerry

(moves his arms like he's karate chopping)

Max

Karate Kid!

Jerry

We are not fighting! We're trying to make a good impression!

Alex

[To Justin] You want to hear a billion year old guy talk about falling? Just go hang out with Grandpa

Alex

[to Tutor] I like you...I hope you don't wreck it.

Justin

What are you doing?

Alex

You'll be interested to know that I've found the perfect present for dad.

Justin

[gasps][whispers to skull staff] She's going to turn her lips into a zipper!

Alex

Oh! That's a good shot! How long have you been working on that one?

Justin

Since the day that mom came home and said "Look! There's your little sister, Justin!"

Zeke

Can you guys believe it! Aliens have landed on Waverly Place!

Max

Yeah well who's gonna tell them they can't park there? They're gonna get towed...

Theresa

Jerry! Help us!

Jerry

Ahh!

Jerry

Not the milkshake machine! PLEASE!!!!

Theresa

[To Family] I knew it!

What happened? Where did the milkshake machine go?

Alex

Justin, you did it!

Justin

Luckily one of those aliens dropped this thing and I was able to quickly figure out how to operate their advanced technology. It's a switch!

Hand over the Milkshake Machine

Jerry

Here's the Milkshake Machine

Theresa

JERRY!!!

Theresa

Let's find Alex and get out of here.

Jerry

Right, and before she figures out that there's a school on board.

Alex

Did you guys know that there's a school on board?

Justin

Okay, Alex. I got exactly what I wanted: a date with London Tipton.

Alex

Great!

Justin

Not great. I lied to get her.

Alex

Still great!

Justin

No. I got exactly what I wanted and now it's all terrible because she's not so smart.

Alex

What do you mean?

Justin

Max thinks she's dumb.

Alex

Oh, you gotta dump her.

Oh my gosh! Bailey?! She's choking! She's choking! Dr. Fossil, help her! You're a doctor!

Justin

I don't know how to save her!

What kind of doctor doesn't know how to save a person's life?!

Justin

Look, I was going to tell you-

Tell me what? That you're not a very smart doctor?!

Alex

Bailey! (gives Bailey abdominal thrusts and Bailey stops choking) Bailey, are you okay?

Yes, thank you! (hugs Alex)

You just saved her life. What's your name again?

Alex

Ashley Simpson!