Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[Fran and Brighton watch a live-action clip of Fran Drescher on TV]
[chuckles] I love her. You know, I've seen her in person. She looks much younger.
[Grace walks to the window]
Fran, the storm is getting worse. How is Santa going to deliver all the presents?
Gracie, the man is bigger than Dom DeLuise and can fit through a chimney. Believe me, he can get through a blizzard.
[About C.C. the Abominable Babcock]
She's only happy when she's making everyone around her miserable.
Sounds like my mother.
Be careful. She's 2000 pounds with arms like a wrestler.
Oy, she is my mother.
Dad, Fran's picture is in Gloss magazine!
Well, what's so bad about that? She'll be thrilled. What, eyes closed, bad angle?
[shows the magazine] She's a fashion "don't".
What's that to do with me?
Read the caption.
"Who let her out of the house with that purse?" [gives a yell of horror]
Oh, I just remembered the charity: asthma.
Niles, get this piece of trash out of here!
[To C.C.] You heard the man. Move it!
Have I let my judgement be impaired by my feelings for Ms. Fine?
What feelings are those, sir?
Well, you know—
No, I don't, sir.
Oh, c'mon, Niles—
But you'd feel so much better if you just said it.
Perhaps you're right! Maybe I should just admit that—
[Enters] Knock-knock!
Oh, WAIT!!
Oh, look at the time. Where did the day go?
Time flies when you're being unreasonable... sir.
[Yetta enters with a policeman]
Yetta, what happened?
[Motioning the crazy sign] We found her wandering around on Queen's Boulevard. She says she lives here.
[Aside to Maxwell] Play along. It's cheaper than a cab.
Officer, thank goodness you're here. Look, our nanny is missing. She stormed out of the house this morning and we haven't seen her since.
She got upset when he called her a gorgeous, sexy vixen he couldn't live without.
I never said that!
Don't you wish you had?
[Niles is writing a sign]
Can you imagine Ms. Fine thinking I'm predictable! Me! Mr.—
[In unison] —Spontaneity.
Niles, you don't think I'm predictable, do you? [Niles shows his sign: "Of course not, sir"] Well, predictable is good, predictable is solid... Oh, God, even I knew I was going to say that.
If I were you, sir, I'd do something before she wakes up in the bedroom of another man... sion.
Niles, I want her to be happy here. How do you suppose I go about satisfying Ms. Fine?
[Awkward silence] Well, the second way, sir—
Niles!
Just shake it up, sir! Do something wild, out there, totally unexpected, I don't know. Give me a bonus!
Ma, I can't believe Gracie doesn't want to be seen with me.
Honey, it's a normal thing for a kid to go through. Remember when you suddenly didn't want me to pick you up from school?
Yeah, but I don't wear a girdle on the outside of my pants.
I'm sorry, sir. I just— I just got so excited. I mean, she said and then— then you said and— and when she said "I quit!" well, I—I just wanted to roll over, light up, and watch Letterman.
I just can't be genuinely insincere the way Ms. Babcock is. I tried calling everyone sweetie darling like she does. Now Harvey Fierstein's making pesto for me on Thursday.
[Teaching Brighton a lesson]
Guess who's picking you up from school tomorrow? My mother!
So?
Straight from jazzercise in her thong leotards. And you know, she don't wait outside neither. She's gonna wanna come in and meet all your little friends.
[higher-pitched] So?
Maybe she'll even do her flash dance. You know, she's a maniac.
[repentant] No! I'm sorry! I'll be a good boy!
It is too late, mister. You'd better be watching your back and sleeping with one eye opened! And brush your teeth after every meal! [gets a look from val] What? I'm still his nanny.
[to Niles] Listen, Flavio...I wanna be alone with Maxwell tonight. What's it gonna cost me to make you disappear?
Try fifty bucks.
Done!
[After C.C. gives him $50 dollars] ...No, didn't work, I'm still here.
People want to do business with me because I'm, well, cute. Big bushy hair, English accent. I'm a one-man mop-top British invasion.
I think Ms. Fine made it up that your hair is thinning because you weren't sympathetic to her problem.
That's because she doesn't have a bloody problem! Look, Niles, she's a young beautiful woman. What do I have to do to convince her she's desirable?!
Oh, sir, I'm sure you'll think of something. [Sprays cologne on him] After all, you're a man, she's a woman, fill in the blanks. The children are at the school, she's lying on the sofa and if all else fails, what would Pierce Brosnan do?
[to Fran] You're my nanny. You take care of my children.
But I've got style, I've got flair. How did I become the nanny?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
