Mr. Sheffield, the only thing that Andrew Lloyd Webber has that you don't is a middle name.
I've got a middle name.
Well, there you are! What is it?
Beverly.
Moving on.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Dak and I are a match made in heaven. I like dark meat, he likes light. I could hear the movie, he could see it. I've got a right lung, he's got a left... Thank you for introducing us. Most guys my age are senile. [exits dining room] I'll be in the gift shop.
Yetta, you didn't drop anything under the table and go look for it did ya?
One time, just to see if i still had it.
SMr.Sheffield
Oh my god...that was you?
That was you?
Do you two want to be alone?
Oh dear. That was the last apple.
Oh, I'm sorry, old man. Did you want it?
Well, yes, sir, but I didn't realize I wanted it until someone else had sunk his teeth into it and now it's too late. It was right there in front of me. If only I snatched it up when I had the chance, I wouldn't have this aching hunger.
Good God, man, have a bloody pear!
. . .
Oh dear. That was the last pear.
Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want it?
Well, yes, but I didn't realize I wanted it until someone else had sunk his teeth into it.
You snooze, you lose.
KKurt
Listen, I haven't seen this soap in seven months. Catch me up.
Well, they're still at Erica's party...
Alright while your here, do you think I should take this back [holds up a sparkly top, not noticing that she isn't wearing a shirt]
Uh, I think you should put it on...
No, I already had it on, it flattens out my br-. [notices she's in her bra and screams] Mr. Sheffield! Why didn't you say anything?!
Well, I uh...I didn't notice!
You didn't- you know now I'm beginning to wonder about you to! [gets stuck in her shirt] Oh I can't get it on, I'm stuck, help me.
Oh, relax Miss Fine we'll get it on [Niles walks by and stares with shock as Maxwell tries to take her shirt off]
Oh Mr. Sheffield I'm so hot!
I can't do this standing up, just...just get on the bed! [sits her down on the bed and sits on top of her]
[ gets it off and she falls on the bed, his mouth falls open in shock as he looks up and sees Niles, Fran notices too]
...If you let me tell Miss Babcock about this, I'll work free for a year.
CCC.C.
[walks in the kitchen, Niles is writing something] Well, I couldn't be happier that Nanny Fine finally found a man. Oh, what are looking so smug about?
Oh, just an incident in Miss Fine's room last night.
CCC.C.
With her and Kurt?
No, with her and another man.
CCC.C.
Ooo, I love it. Tell me, tell me!
Oh no, I couldn't possibly. I swore I wouldn't say a word. [rips off a note] Read this.
CCC.C.
[reads the note] ...WHY?! [her head falls down on the counter] I wanna die!
There, there, [puts a knife into her purse} now don't do anything rash... [Maxwell walks in]
Hello C.C.
CCC.C.
You animal! [walks out]
Niles?!
[innocently] Sir?
You didn't say anything to Miss Babcock about last night, did you?
[innocently] No, you told me not to.
(looking closely at a picture) Aha, just as i thought, Kurt's teeth are capped.
CCC.C.
What?
I'm not making it up, look, look you can see the little ridges. (holds the picture to her face)
CCC.C.
Maxwell, what is wrong with you today? If you're not gonna pay any attention to me, i might as well just go home.
(opens the window and wistles) TAXI?
[Lamb Chop freaks out when C.C. walks in wearing a wool coat]
What did I do?
Ms. Babcock, your coat. New Zealand Lamb?
CCC.C.
So?
Maybe she had people there?!
Take. It. Off.
Three words she doesn't hear often. [Niles & Lamb Chop fist-pump together]
CCC.C.
Niles, isn't that sweet? You're bonding with the sheep. Not the first one, I'm sure.
Bravo. You win. Every dog has her day.
Incoming! [Holds open the door for Shari while still holding a laundry basket]
SLShari Lewis
Thank you very much, Niles.
Mmm-hmm.
[Niles lets go of the door, as it swings closed, a thump is heard]
CCC.C.
Oof! [Opens the door, holding her head] Didn't you see me?!
What's your point?
LCLamb Chop
(to Maxwell) My room later (licks Maxwell's ear and maxwell being shocked grabs his ear and stands up beside Fran)
(to Maxwell) Better wear a rubber glove (maxwell gets a shocked look on his face when Fran says that)
Well, I said it. I knew you'd find some way to blame it all on me.
[eavesdropping, from outside] Yes, she did, sir.
But I've got a plan.
Yes, she does, sir.
And as you know, my plans never fail.
[She waits for a response, and then elbows the door.]
[bursts into laughter]
Excuse me, I need a doctor.
NNurse
What are your symptoms?
I'm 30 and still single.
NNurse
That's funny... 30!
[Fran is sitting in a hospital room; the telephone rings and Fran looks suspicious]
[suspiciously] Hello?... Ma, how did you find me here?... Well what's the emergency?... Ma, Mike Douglas isn't on Channel 4 because they cancelled him 22 years ago! Would you spring for a new TV Guide?
[Fran, disguised as a nurse, is forced to shave an unconscious Maxwell for an emergency appendectomy. She applies the shaving cream and is nervously "spreading" it when Niles walks in on her]
Bucking for a raise?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.