My sister has always wanted everything that I've had. My clothes, my toys. Once, I actually got a shag haircut just because I knew she'd look lousy in it. Took me twelve weeks to grow out but she looked like Cousin Itt.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
You're off your bloody rocker, you know that? Thank God you're not operating heavy machinery, just raising my children.
Well congratulations Miss Fine, you were right about your sister. Is there anyone in your family that isn't a complete lunatic?
Hey! I'll have to get back to you with that one, but hey!
Pamela Chapman's so gorgeous, even her mother hates her.
Sweetie, you've gotta have more self-confidence. All of those over-developed girls just peak in high school.
Yeah, remember that girl from our school who was so beautiful and so popular that everyone thought she would own the world. Then her fiancé dumped her, she got fired from her job and she wound up working as a na— [stops]
No what i want right now is to be in a pub with my hands wrapped around a tall larger
A larger? Do the kids know that you're considering an alternate lifestyle?
It's a beer, Miss. Fine.
Oh well speak english
If you had absolutely no intention of going through with this album cover in the first place. What are we arguing about?
Well i have no idea i can't shake the image of you picking up Paul Bunyan in a bar
God, it would be easier to have them raised by wolves.
Ms. Fine, I heard about the contest and I just can't bear the thought of you feeling badly about yourself.
Thank you, Mr. Sheffield. That's awfully sweet of you but, really, there's nothing you can say or do that's gonna make me feel any better.
Well then, I suppose I'd be wasting my breath if I told you no girl could possibly be a match for a woman like you.
I'd give it a shot.
. . .
I think you are one heck of a kisser... I can't remember being kissed like that... With such passion, such abandon, such... suction.
Well, Danny used to call me his little Dirt Devil.
Niles, look at the cake for my friend Mona's retirement party.
It's beautiful.
It's plaster of Paris.
Why would anyone buy a fake cake?
Because I'm gonna take it out of the box, they're all gonna ooh and aah and then say: "No thanks, I'm on a diet". This way, I can use it again plus I can carry it on the bus [under my arm].
. . .
You do know there's a piece broken off the side?
I know. I had it at my mother's not ten minutes. She said it's dry but if you dunk it in Sanka, it's delish.
[Sees Maxwell and Fran in bed] AHHHHHHH!!!!
[jolted awake] C.C.? What the devil are you doing in here?
CCC.C.
What am I doing in here?? Wh-what is...SHE doing in here?!
[Sees he's in bed with a woman] Oh...[Looks to see who it is] Ahh! Ms. Fine!
[Stirs awake, looks at Maxwell sleepily] Oh, I'm having that dream again...[Reaches out and touches Maxwell's cheek, realizes it's actually him] AHH! MR. SHEFFIELD! [Gathers the bedsheets around herself while scrambling out of the bed] WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN–[Looks around] your room?
[To a wide-eyed, shocked C.C.] Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you.
WOULD YOU ALL KINDLY GET OUT OF MY ROOM?!
[Follows a still shocked C.C. out] Happy Birthday, Ms. Babcock...
Listen I can't really explain it, but all I know is that the next morning my ears always itch. (Maxwell looks confused) Oh what, like you don't have a thing?
Alright, I sing.
Any particular song or do you just scat? (eating a scone)
(sighs) "Georgy Girl".
Really? Jee I've been working here for two years and never once heard ya sing- (realizes, Maxwell looks at her annoyed) Eeeh, great scones.
. . .
After all nothing happened right?
Right. (They smile, and both walk to opposite sides of the wall, both looking in a mirror)
(starts to sing while Fran itches her ears) "Hey there, Georgy girl, what a nice day to-" (both realize)
I want to take care of you for the rest of your life.... It would give me great pleasure if you would...
[Excited] Yeah? Yeah?!!
...let me buy you a condominium.
Huh?
For your retirement.
A condo?! That's what you want to give me for my future?!! I have never been so— Would it include carpet and plantation shutters?
Yes, of course.
Pets okay? 'Cause I probably want a cat.
Whatever you want. So... happy?
[Strangely satisfied] Yeah.
[Overhearing, shaking his head] Oy! This is gonna take forever.
[When Niles serves CC a plate of breakfast]
Niles. My eggs are all dried up.
The gene pool is safe.
C.C., tell me, did you have one of these "Sweet 16's"?
CCC.C.
Oh, please, all those little snot noses trying to outdo each other! I didn't want one.
No friends?
None.
I feel terrible. I should have defended you yesterday but I totally wimped out.
Oh, sweetie... sweetie, listen. All you did was pass out, puke, and pee in your pants. You were in Central Park. You fit right in.
(pushing Brighton past Mr. Sheffield's office) Ask yourself punk, do you feel lucky?
What's all that about?
Oh, the expert is teaching Brighton how to repel a man.
You wouldn't believe I'm the fastest woman on Earth?
In that outfit, I would.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.