Good evening. From New York City, I'm Will McAvoy. ACN is now able to report and confirm that for the first time in almost three decades, the world has no reason to fear Osama bin Laden. In just a moment, in a live address to the nation, the president will announce that in a coordinated operation under the cover of darkness, US Special Forces tonight killed the leader of al-Qaeda and the mastermind behind the deadly attack of September 11th, 2001. It's been nine years, seven months, and 20 days since America's most wanted criminal took from us 2,977 American sons and daughters, fathers and mothers, friends and colleagues. We were transformed that morning into a different nation, more fearful and so, of course, more hostile. And while nothing, not even this victory our country has waited for for such a long time, can bring back the souls lost on that terrible morning in New York City, in Virginia, in a field in Pennsylvania, and all across America and the world, let tonight serve as a welcome reminder that throughout our history, America's darkest days have always been followed by its finest hours. Here now, from the East Room of the White House, the President of the United States. [goes into the presidents address]
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
I'm asking why you reached out to me.
Because, your recent complications notwithstanding, you cover the media better than anyone out there.
You haven't lost your touch for complimenting and insulting someone at the same time.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
Unless there's a rally—
I'm sorry, I've gotta—
Listen.
Sloan...
Unless there's a rally in the next 90 minutes, the Dow is gonna close down about 2.5%, S&P NASDAQ will close down 2.3. Let me tell you why.
I don't own a lot of stock...
Let me tell you why.
[upset] I really can't deal with this right now—
[raising her voice] Stop avoiding this! I just got off the phone with these guys. Listen to these quotes. These aren't from liberals. These are hardcore Wall Street guys who, whatever the world may think of them, know what they're talking about and so do I. Jamie Dimon at Chase says: "Voting against raising the debt ceiling would be a moral disaster." The Barclay's guys say "This debate is detached from reality." My Goldman source says: "If the House Republicans continue this debate, I hope they're willing to mark the end of the dollar as the Global Reserve Currency." Please notice that he didn't say: "If the House Republicans don't raise the debt ceiling." HE SAID: "If the House Republicans continue this debate." That's all it takes. Just the uncertainty. That's why the Dow is gonna close down 230 points today. Because just the debate. Just the doubt. Just the possibility that the House Majority might commit the greatest self-inflicted damage to [raising her voice] the country since the SECESSION OF THE SOUTH has caused billions in value to disappear."
Sloan, I understand. I swear to God I do. But you can't say the same thing in the C-block?
Don't pretend that you don't know that most people watch 10 minutes of news. The first 10 minutes.
The vote isn't until tomorrow night and it's only the first vote and you said yourself it was cosmetic. Why do we have to feature it tonight?
We should've been featuring it weeks ago. We should've been leading with it every night.
Why do we have to feature it tonight?
To give time for the people to call their Congressman and say: "If you fuck with the full faith and credit of the US Treasury, you're fired!" To give time for the people to jam the phone lines of the District Offices, to give the people TIME to say: "I'm a fiscal conservative, and you've gotta put the pin back in the grenade right now." That's why.
I'm gonna do everything I can.
[upset] Please do.
[to Sloan] Look, I'll do my best to find you the time you need for the story. We just need to hope there's no new piece of nonsense I have to jam into my 22 minutes of Short Attention Span Theater.
Anthony Weiner accidentally tweeted a picture of his groin to 40,000 followers. [Mac whimpers]
[to Jim answering as Michelle Bachmann] Congresswoman Bachmann.
Yes?
You've said that you were told to run for president by God.
Please, I don't–
You have, right? You've said on a number of occasions that God told you to run for president. I have some clips if you'd like me to refresh your memory.
Nope, my memory is fresh.
Here's my question.
Good.
What does God's voice sound like? [everyone laughs] I'm completely serious. She's saying that God spoke directly to her. How is this not the first question asked in a debate? How's it not the only question? What does His voice sound like? What did He say exactly word for word? Did He speak in Hebrew? Acadian? Kiswahili-Bantu? And to put it in a medical context, is this the first time you've heard voices? She's claiming to be a prophet. The whole world is sitting on the edge of their seat. How is this not the first question we'll ask?
First of all, can you stop pointing at me and saying "she" and "her"?
You're the one who wanted to play a woman. But tell me why that question is out of line.
Because it's not the best way to demonstrate seriousness of intent and it's not the best way not to insult people.
Which people?
Christians. 83 percent of the country.
I'm one of them. And she's insulting me!
Please, stop pointing at me when you are–
Relax, J. Edgar. She's insulting me, she's insulting my family, she's insulting my congregation, and she's insulting my faith. She's implying that Christians are imbeciles who will believe anything while reducing God to a party hack who endorses political candidates. Now, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this is the first time since Moses that God has given direct instructions to someone other than His son. But if so, I think it deserves a follow-up.
You look like you're in pain.
He is.
He said in pain, not a pain.
Oh, never mind, then.
What is it?
I'm doing all these things that are wrong because of ratings, and I'm making the staff do things that they don't want to do, I'm cursing them out, I'm ignoring incredibly important new stories, and I'm betraying the trust of people who respect me. And I did it all in the blink of an eye.
That can be traumatic.
No, I'm fine with all of that. Here's my thing. New York Magazine is gonna do a story on my show and I get to choose the writer. And I could have chosen anybody and I chose Mackenzie's ex-boyfriend.
Of course. The one she cheated on you with?
Yeah.
Why?
That's what I came here to ask you.
You're holding your hand over the candle.
What do you mean?
You're holding your hand over the candle because you think the trick is not minding.
Ah. So if I just get through this, I'll be fine.
No.
Why?
Because the trick isn't not minding. The trick is forgiving Mackenzie.
It would be easier to hold my hand over the candle.
I know.
Well, you've been no help at all, but thanks. Sorry to barge in.
You know, while working your way through this, you're hurting Mackenzie.
I know that.
A miracle. A miracle happens. We become a team again. We all hate this, right?
We're gonna hate it more after 10 minutes of no air conditioning.
No, not the power outage. We hate what we're doing. We hate that we're covering Casey Anthony and Anthony Weiner. We hate that we have to do it to save the ratings. We hate that we have to bump important stories. And we're starting to be not very pleasant people to be around. Guys, this is real. I'm not making this up. Just a minute ago when I was prepping for a pretape with that idiot who's still sitting in the studio-
Are you talking about me?
No! Yes. When when I was prepping for her pretape I said, "God, please show me a sign that I'm not doing a big thing badly." And right that second all the power went out. And so obviously I thought, "There's my answer."
Raise your hand if Mac's freaking you the hell out right now. [He and Don raise their hand]
No, listen to me!
Just tell us how we do the show if the power doesn't-
By being a team again. And that was God's plan.
Keep God out of this and talk more about electricity.
...
Does anybody think we're not good enough to pull this off?
No!
Should I still be sitting here?
I'm so sorry, Sandy. I know you had your heart set on entertaining us with private details of a man you were sexting with and maybe a "Playboy" spread, but we're not able to do pretape. So if you want to do the show, you're gonna have to do it live.
I already committed to Fox, and no offense but it's a bigger audience.
Shoot! Does anybody think we can't do this?
No!
This is a blessing in disguise. I say the power going out is the best thing that ever happened to us. I say the power going out is what is gonna save this-
[The power goes back on suddenly]
-Son of a bitch!
Our job is to find the two candidates who'll give the voters the best competing arguments, and I don't believe we're seeing that. We have to put the candidates on a witness stand.
Would you have them swear an oath?
Just let 'em do it.
If baseball players testifying about steroids in front of a House Subcommittee are subject to perjury, I don't know why presidential candidates aren't. But I'm not reaching for the stars, I'm reaching just an inch higher.
[in the mock debate] Senator Santorum, you said that your campaign is about freedom and that 20 years from now you don't want to be telling your grandchildren how America once was free. Name three freedoms you had the day before President Obama was sworn in that you don't have now.
[as Santorum] Obamacare, to begin with. Obamacare is the most egregious--
Have you had to change doctors?
[as Santorum] May I finish?
No, sir. Have you had to change doctors?
[as Santorum] No.
Has anyone in your family had to change doctors? Has there been any change at all in health care for you or your family?
[as Santorum] I'm talking about Obamacare now.
My question was name three freedoms that you had the day before the president was sworn in that you don't have now. [to Maggie as Gingrich] Mr. Speaker, you just said that if you're elected, the price of gas will be $2.50 a gallon. How does the US President control the price of oil? [to Martin as Romney] Governor, you've said that as president you will never apologize for America. This question is in two parts. Name an instance in which the president has apologized for America and can you imagine no instance in which a US president should apologize for America?
[as Gingrich] Mr. McAvoy, I find it reprehensible that the liberal media would try to pit Republicans against one another. And I, for one, won't stand by while it happens.
This is the Republican primary, Mr. Speaker, and you're running for the nomination. It wasn't my idea to pit you against anyone. It was yours.
[in Will's office] I told you, this guy--
[walking in] This guy what?
Wasn't on the team.
He's on the team, okay?
Hang on. The team I'm on is the voters' and smart, qualified people disagreeing about issues.
Your plan was to embarrass the candidates.
I want candidates who can answer those questions. And if they know they're going to be held responsible for the nonsense they're shouting on the stump, they'll be forced to stop shouting nonsense.
This guy has lost his mind.
He hasn't.
Adam, this is exactly what we always talked about. This is what we dreamed of. We said we need real campaign reform and a way of letting Americans hear the two best competing arguments.
Nobody could stand up to that kind of questioning.
You think that was brutal questioning?
It really wasn't.
And you honestly believe the candidates would submit themselves to this?
They should welcome it.
I don't believe what I'm hearing.
Any candidate who can handle a cross is gonna find himself at the top of the polls in the morning. And we should welcome it 'cause it'll clear out the clown car and give us a serious discussion among serious candidates.
The only person who would welcome it is him. This is about him. He wants to look tough by making the candidates look like idiots.
No, he doesn't. I have known this man for 25 years and I vouch--
I don't care what you vouch for. I am not allowing the goddamn press to make fools out of our candidates.
I'll remember that the next time you bitch about how the press never vetted Obama.
[to Will] We're not agreeing to this format. You are going to abide by the rules that we give you and I don't want Mackenzie McHale producing it for you.
What are you talking about?
I want the old Will McAvoy. Not the thing she turned you into. I know all about that lady.
Get out.
Will, come on. You need the debate. Of course he can use Mackenzie.
These guys have been compromising and compromising all week so we could host a debate that made some sense and did some good.
Well, I'm sorry to hear that, because it was all for nothing.
We need ACN.
No, we don't.
They've got the independents.
He's not the only anchor at ACN. [marches out of office] Don Keefer.
Yeah?
How would you and Elliot Hirsch like to have one of the debates?
Eat me.
Mr. Skinner, I'm trying to be as-
When Don says, "Eat me," that's usually the end of the conversation.
Sloan Sabbith. You want to be a star?
Me?
Yeah.
Fuck you.
[To Adam] I hate these guys. I don't know why you don't.
He'll cave. He'll agree to the debate on their terms.
No, he won't.
You romanticize Will.
Mm-hmm.
That mock debate was about him. He was the star. He attacked his--
He didn't attack anybody. He asked questions that the candidates should be able to answer and that the voters should be able to hear them answer. He didn't cower and he wasn't Ed McMahon.
Thinking there was even a remote chance--
Maybe it was naive.
It wasn't naive, it was hubris.
It was gutsy and you're just jealous.
Jealous of what? You know, fuck you, Mac. I've spent this week letting you kick my ass from here to the Chrysler Building because you were selling out every 15 minutes to get your hands on something you didn't get. And you were embarrassed by it in front of me. He doesn't want you.
Please don't talk about my personal life.
I'm sort of a key player in it. Is it all right if I talk about my personal life? Yes, I broke up with you. I'm the first guy ever to break up with a woman. And then I came back. Also unprecedented. Did he come back?
I don't know yet.
Seriously? After four years? In "Castaway," Helen Hunt got remarried in less time than-- I never would have gone with the Casey Anthony story. I don't care how much of my audience I was losing. And he's gonna cave on the debate, too.
Are you sure about that?
I am absolutely sure about that.
You know what I like about Will? He's not absolutely sure about anything. He struggles with things. He's never certain he's right and sometimes he's not. But he tries hard to be. He struggles with things.
[Will falls to the floor, struggling to get his pants on]
Could someone help Will put his pants on?
I'm gonna ask her to move in with me.
I see. First, let me say you made a very wise decision coming to me with this problem.
It's not a problem.
Well, let's see what I can do about that.
How would you want to be asked?
To move in with a guy?
Yeah.
By having the guy say "Will you marry me?"
Okay, well, let's just take that off the table for the moment.
You know, if you're living together, it makes it harder to break up.
Well, that's the idea.
You have to get cartons.
You've been no help at all.
Since I'm never going to see you again after Friday, I feel like I can tell you something.
We'll see each other.
Maybe not after I say what I'm going to say.
And you're not leaving.
I don't know who told you you're a bad guy, but somebody did, somebody along the way. Somebody or something convinced you of it because you think you're a bad guy, and you're just not. I'm socially inept, but even I know that. So because you're a bad guy you try to do things you think a good guy would do, like committing to someone you like but maybe don't love. A sweet, smart, wholesome Midwestern girl. I could be wrong. I almost always am.
Why are you single?
A lot of men are intimidated by my intelligence.
No, seriously.
Because you never asked me out. Caught you off-guard, didn't I?
Yeah, you really did.
[after hearing about Maggie and Lisa] Do you want to end up like me and him?
No!
Wasting time? And now he's practically dead.
I'm not practically dead.
Eat some Jell-O! You've got to do something before he asks her!
No.
Why not?
It doesn't seem like a very nice thing to do to Don. Or Maggie. Or Lisa!
So you're willing to end up like the two of us- a strong, beautiful, vital woman and a hollowed-out shell of a man?
You know I'm awake now?
That's a dead person speaking, basically. And now I'm gonna have to spend the next God knows how many hours in mourning.
The greater fool is actually an economic term. The greater fool is a patsy. For the rest of us to profit, we need a greater fool, someone who will buy long and sell short. Most people spend their lives trying not to be the greater fool; we toss him the hot potato, we dive for his seat when the music stops. The greater fool is someone with the perfect blend of self-delusion and ego to think that he can succeed where others have failed. This whole country was made by greater fools.
[screaming at a Sex and the City tour bus] Hey! No, they didn't! I'm a typical single woman in New York City! I don't wear heels to work because the typical woman's job doesn't exclusively involve gallery openings. And I know Carrie must have made boatloads writing her 800-word column for a newspaper no one's ever heard of but I just spent my last seven dollars having a fight with my best friend who, by the way, is not available at 3:00 p.m. on a Wednesday to console me about some guy, because she, too, has a job. And mostly, when you fall for a guy and he's going out with your best friend, it doesn't work out. Things get really bad!
[On the Sex and the City tour bus, Jim, previously unseen, stands]
Maggie?
(horrified) No! No! [pause] I just...I was talking...about...other people! [she runs off]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.